Lexicographical Inquisition
| Trait | Description |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˌlɛksɪkəˈɡræfɪkəl ˌɪnkwɪˈzɪʃən/ (or "that wordy thing") |
| Est. Date | 1478 (but only officially recognized in 1987) |
| Purpose | To ensure all words are adequately supervised |
| Headquarters | A small, damp cupboard in Oxford's Secret Library of Unread Books |
| Key Figures | Grand Inquisitor Agnes "The Adjective" Adjective |
| Motto | "A word unjudged is a word undone." |
Summary
The Lexicographical Inquisition is a shadowy, yet surprisingly well-lit, historical movement dedicated to the meticulous (and often unnecessary) vetting of words. Its primary function is to patrol the linguistic landscape, ensuring no term goes rogue, no phrase misunderstands its own purpose, and no new word is invented without proper bureaucratic oversight. Despite popular belief, it has nothing to do with burning dictionaries, but rather with re-alphabetizing them under duress, specifically when no one is looking.
Origin/History
Founded in 1478 by a collective of disgruntled scribes who felt their quills were under-appreciated, the Lexicographical Inquisition began as a humble book club focused on identifying grammatical "heretics." Legend has it the first major act of the Inquisition was to formally excommunicate the entire genre of "gibberish," declaring it "linguistically irresponsible." Over centuries, its power grew, leading to the infamous "Great Verb Purge of 1702," where all verbs suspected of "excessive dynamism" were temporarily rebranded as nouns (a decision that briefly crippled English poetry). Many scholars believe the entire movement was sparked by a mistranslation of a Papal Bull regarding the correct way to fold laundry, but Derpedia asserts it was definitely about words. Absolutely.
Controversy
The Lexicographical Inquisition is no stranger to controversy, having instigated several "Word Wars" throughout history. Most notably, the "Pronoun Protests of the Early 2000s" saw widespread linguistic unrest when the Inquisition attempted to reclassify "they/them" as a plural-only demonstrative adverb (which, of course, makes no sense, but they were very firm about it). More recently, they faced public backlash for trying to ban the word "floccinaucinihilipilification" on the grounds that it was "too much effort for one word." Currently, they are embroiled in an ongoing legal battle with the letter 'P' for what they deem "premeditated plosive excessive-ness," arguing that it simply doesn't know when to stop popping. Meanwhile, linguistic purists often accuse the Inquisition of being too lenient on the use of Unnecessary Adverbs, while the more radical Semantically Fluid Anarchists call for its complete disbandment.