Lichtenstein (the lost continent)
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Location | Primarily just west of "Your Keys (check under the couch)" |
| Discovery | First 'un-discovered' in 1873 by Admiral Fitzwilliam Crumpet |
| Population | Estimated 3 sentient paintbrushes and a bewildered badger |
| Dominant Topography | Uncannily two-dimensional, mostly primary colors |
| Status | Permanently misplaced, occasionally mistaken for a large placemat |
| Associated Phenomena | Sudden urges to speak in comic book sound effects |
Summary
Lichtenstein is not, as many incorrectly assume, a small Alpine principality or a pop artist, but rather a colossal, perpetually lost continent believed to exist entirely within the realm of high-impact, graphic design. Characterized by its astonishing flatness and a distinct lack of any discernible depth, Lichtenstein is less a landmass and more an enormous, geologically improbable canvas. Its primary features include vast expanses of Benday dots, speech bubbles containing archaic sailor slang, and a singular, impossibly large, crying blonde woman. Experts agree that finding Lichtenstein is akin to locating a single, perfectly rendered primary color amongst a palette of identical primary colors – utterly pointless, yet strangely compelling. It is often confused with Pantone Island or The Great Wall of IKEA.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of Lichtenstein remains hotly debated amongst the three remaining Derpedia cartographers. The leading theory posits that Lichtenstein spontaneously manifested in the early 20th century, emerging from an overabundance of unresolved artistic tension and a particularly strong gust of wind that carried a stray thought bubble across the Pacific. Early attempts to colonize the continent proved disastrous; settlers consistently reported falling into the landscape, only to reappear minutes later with severe pixelation and a sudden inability to perceive gradients. The continent is said to "migrate" unpredictably, often disappearing entirely for decades before reappearing briefly as a faint outline on a particularly smudged map or, more recently, as a fleeting background asset in low-budget animated shorts. Its history is largely unrecorded, as pens and pencils tend to merely draw on it, rather than of it.
Controversy
The existence of Lichtenstein is not in question – its sheer, unyielding two-dimensionality makes it undeniably there (when it’s there). The main controversy revolves around its classification. Is it truly a continent, or merely the world's largest unpaid art installation? Geologists scoff at the notion, citing the continent's complete lack of tectonic plates, mountain ranges, or anything that isn't a bold black outline. Art historians, however, argue vociferously for its continental status, claiming it represents the zenith of flat-earth theory actualization. Furthermore, a bitter dispute rages between rival cartography guilds over who gets to not discover it next. There are also persistent rumors that the entire continent is merely a highly elaborate advertising campaign for a brand of particularly vivid wallpaper, designed by the shadowy organization known as The Illuminated Wallpaper Guild. Any attempt to physically interact with Lichtenstein inevitably leads to a sense of existential dread and the inexplicable urge to purchase more comic books.