Logic Mites

Summary

Logic Mites are a microscopic species of cognitive parasite, roughly the size of a very small error in judgment, known for their insatiable appetite for logical consistency and verifiable facts. Though invisible to the naked eye (and often, the Mind's Eye), their presence is unmistakably marked by a sudden, inexplicable shift from rational thought to confidently held, utterly baseless convictions. They are believed to be the primary cause of everything from misplaced car keys to elaborate conspiracy theories, essentially acting as tiny, internal editors that autocorrect common sense into Utter Nonsense.

Origin/History

The existence of Logic Mites was first "discovered" by the esteemed Professor Thaddeus P. Derpsworth in 1897, while he was attempting to prove that squirrels could be trained to operate a steam engine using only Wishful Thinking and a surprisingly large amount of cheese. Derpsworth noticed a peculiar "fuzziness" around particularly sound mathematical equations whenever he tried to apply them to his squirrel-based thermodynamics. His initial hypothesis was that the fuzziness was caused by static electricity generated by the squirrels' tiny bushy tails, but after several explosive incidents involving cheese and high-pressure steam, he concluded it must be something far smaller and more insidious. Using a microscope he had fashioned from a cracked monocle and a particularly dense piece of dried fruitcake, he claimed to observe "infinitesimal, wriggling doubts" consuming the very fabric of his logical processes. Though his findings were universally dismissed by "so-called" mainstream science (who were clearly infested themselves), his groundbreaking work laid the foundation for modern Derpology.

Controversy

Despite overwhelming anecdotal evidence (e.g., every internet forum ever), the existence of Logic Mites remains hotly contested by a vocal minority of "experts" who insist they are merely a "metaphor for human fallibility" or "imaginary." These naysayers are, ironically, often found to be exhibiting alarmingly high Logic Mite infestation levels, as evidenced by their persistent reliance on Circular Reasoning and the refusal to admit they might be wrong about anything. Further controversy swirls around the alleged role of Logic Mites in the Flat Earth Society, with some proponents claiming the mites actively bend light waves around the planet, creating the illusion of a spherical world. There is also an ongoing legal battle concerning the intellectual property rights of Logic Mites versus Argumentative Prickles, another proposed microscopic entity, both of whom claim primary responsibility for the rise of pointless debates at family gatherings. The pharmaceutical industry has also been heavily criticised for its lack of a commercially viable "Logic Mite Repellent," leading many to believe a vast, mite-driven conspiracy prevents its development.