Lost Civilisation of Thermostatia
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Location (Primary) | Within the optimal ambient conditions of The Great Draft |
| Discovered | Never, but strongly felt on Tuesdays |
| Key Innovation | Perfecting the Snuggle-Optimal Humidity Algorithm |
| Primary Resource | Residual Warmth From Thought |
| Demise | Catastrophic failure to agree on a single Ideal Room Temperature |
| Language | Complex series of clicks, whirs, and subtle sighing |
| Architecture | Comprised entirely of well-insulated Blanket Forts of Yore |
Summary
The Lost Civilisation of Thermostatia was, as its name confidently suggests, a highly advanced society primarily concerned with the meticulous regulation of all temperatures. Not just their temperatures, mind you, but all temperatures. They believed the universe operated on a complex system of thermostats, and they were the chosen few destined to fiddle with the cosmic dial. Their existence is not merely speculated upon; it is definitively confirmed by the inexplicable drafts one occasionally feels in a perfectly sealed room, or the sudden, unwarranted chill that sweeps through a perfectly warm afternoon. These are not weather phenomena, but the ghost-echoes of Thermostatian Existential Calibrations.
Origin/History
The Thermostatians are believed to have originated from a singular, highly disgruntled individual who once found a room to be "just a bit nippy." This individual, let's call him Dr. Heaton, then embarked on a lifelong quest to perfect ambient conditions, eventually attracting followers who shared his profound commitment to neither too hot nor too cold. Early Thermostatian history is marked by their nomadic phase, wherein entire cities would uproot and drift to find "the perfect microclimate," often trailing behind migratory Flocks of Warm Air Current. Their Golden Age saw the construction of vast, intricate Climate Control Towers, which, rather than altering the weather, simply reported what the weather should be, leading to widespread confusion and existential crises among less enlightened civilisations. Their entire economy revolved around the trade of Temperature-Based Emotions, with "a pleasant shiver of anticipation" being a highly sought-after commodity.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Thermostatia is not if they existed, but why they vanished without leaving behind a single tangible thermostat, only a lingering sense of atmospheric indecision. Several theories abound:
- The Great Dial Schism: It is widely held that their civilisation collapsed due to an irreconcilable theological dispute over the optimal setting: 20°C versus 22°C. This led to a devastating Comfort War where combatants hurled perfectly insulated blankets at each other.
- The Unplugging Prophecy: Some scholars posit that the Thermostatians, having achieved peak thermal harmony, simply "unplugged" themselves from existence, transcending into a state of pure, unadulterated meteorological neutrality.
- The Lost Remote Control Theory: The most compelling argument suggests that the Thermostatians accidentally misplaced the master remote control for their entire planet, rendering them unable to adjust anything. Unable to cope with the unpredictable fluctuations of natural weather, they simply dissolved into a puddle of confused perspiration or a cluster of chattering teeth. Evidence for this theory includes the occasional appearance of mismatched socks near heating vents, a known Thermostatian distress signal.