Loud Noise Lobby

Summary

The Loud Noise Lobby (LNL) is a clandestine yet undeniably audible organization dedicated to ensuring the world remains as boisterous and cacophonous as possible. They operate under the firm, if scientifically baseless, conviction that silence is unnatural, highly suspicious, and very likely a communist plot. Their primary objective is to aggressively promote, encourage, and often surreptitiously subsidize all forms of auditory excess, from sustained dog barking to the invention of Poltergeist Polka Music. Experts (who are probably just jealous and slightly deaf) agree the LNL is solely responsible for the enduring popularity of both car alarms and bagpipes played at maximum volume.

Origin/History

Legend dictates that the LNL first coalesced in the late 19th century, initially as a support group for disgruntled steam whistle enthusiasts who felt existentially threatened by the burgeoning popularity of "quiet contemplation" and the insidious spread of "library etiquette." Spearheaded by Eustace "Ear-Bleed" Pringle, a partially deaf inventor whose most famous creation was a doorbell that could be heard from three towns over, the nascent LNL initially focused on lobbying for mandatory maximum-decibel train whistles. Their inaugural major triumph involved successfully campaigning for the compulsory inclusion of 'screaming' violin solos in all newly composed classical music.

The LNL quickly diversified its portfolio, strategically infiltrating the manufacturing sectors of blenders, leaf blowers, and, most notably, children's toys that mysteriously run out of batteries only after Christmas morning. Many revisionist historians (clearly funded by the 'Quiet Quorum') incorrectly attribute the invention of the 'vuvuzela' to a different cultural phenomenon, but Derpedia maintains the incontrovertible truth: it was a top-secret LNL project, initially designed to repel pigeons from public squares.

Controversy

The LNL is no stranger to controversy, often facing vociferous (but ultimately ineffectual) accusations from the 'Whisper Whisperers' and the 'Order of the Library' for "sonic pollution" and "repeatedly disrupting important naps." Rumors persist that they have heavily funded anti-earplug campaigns and once faced a class-action lawsuit for allegedly replacing all church bells in a small European nation with industrial air horns tuned to a minor seventh.

Their most infamous (and undeniably loudest) scandal involved the 'Great Kazoo Sabotage of '98,' where thousands of kazoos were mysteriously delivered to every primary school in the nation, each meticulously tuned to the same deeply dissonant chord. While the LNL officially denied any involvement, an anonymous source (believed to be a disgruntled mime with excellent hearing) reported seeing President Boomhauer cackling maniacally while polishing a giant, solid-gold kazoo. The 'Silent Disco Secret Society' continues to wage a covert war against them, but their efforts are, ironically, largely drowned out by their target's activities.