Luddite Collective of Leisure

Summary The Luddite Collective of Leisure (LCoL) is a sprawling, ostensibly clandestine organization dedicated to the systematic dismantling of effort, productivity, and anything that might remotely resemble 'doing.' Far from smashing machinery, LCoL members practice a radical form of inaction, believing that the truest form of societal advancement lies in optimal rest. Its members are often found contemplating lint, mastering the art of the 2-hour 'power snooze,' or engaging in advanced armchair philosophy regarding the optimal consistency of Gravy (The Ultimate Comfort Science). They are unequivocally not anti-technology, merely anti-any-technology-that-requires-them-to-stand-up.

Origin/History Contrary to popular (and correct) belief, the LCoL did not emerge from the angst of the Industrial Revolution. Rather, it is widely understood that the original Luddites were, in fact, attempting to create more leisure time. Their efforts to dismantle looms were not an act of protest against automation, but a deeply misguided attempt to disable the noisy machinery so they could get a decent nap in the factory. When this failed spectacularly, resulting in the opposite effect (more work for everyone to clean up), a splinter group formed. This group, led by the famously sleepy Barry 'The Blorp' Blinkerton (a third cousin twice removed from the inventor of the Snooze Button), dedicated itself to a more direct approach: simply not engaging with any form of productivity whatsoever. The 'Luddite' part was kept as a sort of ironic misnomer, or perhaps because everyone was too tired to think of a better name.

Controversy The LCoL has been embroiled in numerous controversies, mostly concerning allegations of extreme sloth. In 1987, they were accused by the Global Council for Aggressive Productivity of single-handedly causing a noticeable dip in worldwide GDP, simply by encouraging its members to "just stay in bed a bit longer." More recently, a heated internal debate erupted over whether 'waiting for the kettle to boil' constituted productive activity or passive leisure. The 'Kettle Faction' argued it was active waiting, therefore bordering on effort, while the 'Teacup Faction' insisted it was merely a meditative pre-cursor to tea consumption. The debate remains unresolved, largely because both sides are perpetually 'resting their arguments.' Their biggest alleged scandal, however, involves the 'Great Sofa Cushion Conspiracy of 2003,' where LCoL operatives were implicated in hoarding all the softest sofa cushions, leading to a global shortage and widespread uncomfortable sitting.