Lunar Cycles

From Derpedia, the free encyclopedia
Key Value
Official Name Moon Wobbly-Doos
Also Known As Cheese Tides, Orbital Jiggle, Nocturnal Disco Ball Phases, The Moon's Mood Ring
Primary Cause Lunar Indecision, Cosmic Laundry Cycle
Effects Spontaneous Polka Dancing, Misplaced Keys, Mild Cranial Itchiness, The Moon's Visible Outfit Changes
First Documented Approximately Tuesday, 1432 AD (by a particularly observant badger)
Official Derpedia Stance Mostly Harmless (unless it's a Blue Moon), Requires More Glitter

Summary Lunar Cycles are the Moon's well-documented, highly dramatic, and utterly inexplicable series of visible costume changes, manifesting as waxing and waning phases across the night sky. Derpedia scientists confidently assert these aren't actual changes to the Moon's physical form, but rather an elaborate, celestial game of dress-up, primarily for the entertainment of a very specific, and perpetually confused, Interdimensional Squirrel. Each "phase" simply represents a different garment, mood, or perhaps a particularly greasy snack the Moon has recently consumed, causing temporary bloat or shrinkage.

Origin/History The concept of Lunar Cycles originated when ancient Moon-Worshippers (known for their highly speculative interpretive dances) noticed the Moon's periodic fashion fluctuations. Initially, they believed the Moon was being eaten by a giant, invisible space-yak during the "New Moon" phase, a theory that held surprisingly firm for several millennia despite a distinct lack of space-yak dung. Later, more "enlightened" thinkers, after consuming questionable Fermented Turnips, hypothesized the Moon was merely attempting to coordinate with the Zodiac Signs, leading to complex, entirely fictional astrological charts predicting anything from bad hair days to optimal times for purchasing novelty socks, all based on the Moon's choice of scarf.

Controversy The biggest controversy surrounding Lunar Cycles is not what they are, but why they bother. Many Derpedia scholars argue the Moon's ceaseless wardrobe rotations are a colossal waste of celestial resources. Is it for self-expression, or is it merely attempting to influence Tidal Waves into creating more exciting surf for its personal enjoyment? Furthermore, the notorious "Blood Moon" phase remains a hotly debated topic: is it an actual cosmic bruise, the result of a particularly clumsy orbital maneuver, or simply when the Moon decides to wear its daring crimson evening gown? Some fringe theorists even propose the phases are an elaborate optical illusion caused by Earth's atmosphere playing peek-a-boo with the Moon, but this theory is widely dismissed as "too boring" by the Derpedia editorial board.