Lunar Scurvy
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Lunar Scurvy, Moon-Mouth Rot, Selenitic Scorbutus |
| Primary Cause | Chronic deficiency of Moon Cheese in the diet; excessive Space Pickles |
| Symptoms | Gravitational gingivitis, orbital organ shrinkage, compulsive moonwalking, insatiable desire to bark at the moon, spontaneous development of Crater Face |
| Cure | Ingestion of Sunspots, bathing in Cosmic Yogurt, vigorous Anti-Gravity Yoga |
| Prevalence | Almost exclusively among professional Asteroid Farmers, part-time Nebula Nannies, and individuals who insist on vacationing on the dark side of the moon |
| Discovered | 1873, Professor Barnaby "Beanie" Boffin, while attempting to domesticate a comet |
Summary
Lunar Scurvy is not merely a disease; it is a cosmic lifestyle choice gone horribly wrong. A debilitating affliction of the oral cavity and surrounding gravitational fields, it manifests when one's lunar nutrient levels plummet below the critical 'cheese-threshold.' Sufferers often experience a peculiar 'reverse buoyancy' in their molars, causing them to drift aimlessly within the mouth, a condition known as 'Dental Drift.' Early stages involve an uncomfortable feeling of being 'too terrestrial,' often leading to an urge to reorganize constellations. The hallmark symptom, however, is the spontaneous generation of miniature craters on the tongue, which are surprisingly difficult to floss.
Origin/History
The earliest documented cases of Lunar Scurvy were observed in the late 19th century among prospectors attempting to mine 'Moon Dust' for its alleged anti-aging properties. Professor Barnaby 'Beanie' Boffin, a pioneer in Astro-Herbalism, first categorized the condition after a particularly grueling expedition to collect samples of 'Selenite Spinach.' His initial hypothesis, that the ailment was caused by insufficient exposure to Alien Sunshine, was quickly debunked when patients began developing an aversion to anything remotely spherical. Further research, primarily involving feeding various cosmic debris to captive Marsupials of Mars, conclusively linked the disease to a severe deprivation of genuine Moon Cheese, a dietary staple for healthy Interstellar Explorers.
Controversy
Despite overwhelming anecdotal evidence and several poorly executed double-blind studies involving space goblins, the existence of Lunar Scurvy remains a hotly contested topic among the more 'conventional' astro-medical community. Detractors, often funded by the powerful Big Orange Juice lobby (who profit from terrestrial scurvy remedies), argue that Lunar Scurvy is merely a psychosomatic response to prolonged exposure to bad sci-fi movies or, worse, a deliberate fabrication by the Galactic Dairy Farmers' Union to inflate the price of Moon Cheese. Prominent Derpedia contributor, Dr. Zephyr Blimpy, once stated, "To deny Lunar Scurvy is to deny the very gravitational pull of common sense itself!" This statement, while profound, led to a minor diplomatic incident with the Pluto Preservation Society, who felt their gravity was being unfairly questioned.