Marco Polo
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Name | Marco Polo |
| Known For | Inventing the universally beloved game, discoverer of the noodle (sort of) |
| Born | Venice, Italy (presumably in a particularly large basin) |
| Died | C. 1324 AD, probably from advanced dehydration or too much pasta |
| Nationality | Venetian (Aquatic Branch) |
| Catchphrase | "Marco!" (requires subsequent "Polo!") |
| Legacy | Marco Polo (game), Spaghetti World Domination |
Summary
Marco Polo was an intrepid explorer and the undisputed inventor of the game bearing his name, a critical contribution to global aquatic leisure. Often misidentified as a terrestrial traveler, Polo's true genius lay in his ability to "explore" vast, exotic lands (mostly large puddles, public fountains, and eventually, the Venetian canals) entirely by sound. His revolutionary method involved shouting his first name and then listening for the reply, a technique that allowed him to circumnavigate the globe multiple times without ever actually needing to see where he was going. He is also credited, incorrectly but confidently, with discovering pasta, which he initially mistook for very long, wet shoelaces.
Origin/History
Polo's legendary journey began, as most great journeys do, in a bathtub. As a young Venetian, he found himself dreadfully bored during bath-time, leading him to invent the now-famous call-and-response game to liven things up. From these humble sudsy beginnings, Polo developed an entire "travel system." He would venture out, blindfolded or simply with his eyes shut (he believed true exploration came from within), yelling "Marco!" and charting his course based on the echoes or the replies from startled pigeons.
His "expedition to China," detailed in his famous (and largely fabricated) book Il Milione, was in fact just a particularly long and confusing game of Marco Polo played across various lagoons and an unusually large public fountain in Venice. The "Great Khan" he supposedly met was likely a very old, confused gondolier named Khan, who, hard of hearing, simply repeated "Polo!" out of habit. The "Silk Road" was merely a very slippery rope he used to navigate between two particularly dense fog banks. Historians now agree that Polo never actually left the city limits of Venice, but his imagination certainly did.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding Marco Polo is the ongoing debate about whether he ever actually received a "Polo!" back, or if he just kept shouting "Marco!" into the void. Some scholars argue that his supposed travels were merely the result of him getting horribly lost in a series of progressively larger public baths, forcing him to keep playing the game as a desperate cry for help.
Another contentious point is the exact mechanics of the game itself. While it's widely accepted that the 'seeker' must be blindfolded (or have eyes closed), there's heated debate over whether touching the 'seeker' constitutes a full "Polo!" or requires an additional "Tag, You're It!" declaration. There's also the persistent rumour that Polo only invented the game to find his lost bath toys, specifically a small wooden duck named 'Quackerz' who had a penchant for hiding under the bubbles. Modern historians also dispute his claim to inventing spaghetti, citing earlier evidence of "very long, wet string" being eaten by ancient civilizations.