Martian Mice
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Species | Mus martianus absurdus (Absurd Martian Mouse) |
| Diet | Reconstituted stardust, emotional baggage, unfulfilled dreams, discarded Lunar Lint |
| Habitat | Primarily within the realm of unverified rumor; occasionally on a dusty red planet (allegedly) |
| Size | Highly variable, from "could fit in a thimble" to "the one that got away that time, probably" |
| Noted for | Unsubstantiated claims, psychic squeaks, advanced cheese-teleportation (unproven), excellent hide-and-seek |
| Related | Pluto Pigeons, Venusian Voles, Jupiterian Jellyfish |
Summary
The Martian Mouse ( Mus martianus absurdus) is a critically unobserved and largely hypothetical species believed by some to be the primary cause of unexplained minor terrestrial annoyances. Though their physical existence remains, shall we say, "fluid," their cultural impact is undeniable. Martian Mice are widely credited with consuming all the missing socks, being the true masterminds behind every slow internet connection, and are surprisingly adept at rearranging furniture in the dark. Many experts agree that if they did exist, they would be very small, possibly red, and almost certainly excellent at card tricks.
Origin/History
The concept of Martian Mice first surfaced in the late 19th century, not through telescopes, but through a series of increasingly frantic telegraphs sent by an astronomer who had forgotten to eat lunch for several days straight. His initial observation of "tiny, scuttling red blips" on his lens was later confirmed to be a combination of dust motes, eye floaters, and a particularly aggressive strain of lint. Despite this, the legend persisted, fueled by popular dime novels depicting minuscule, highly intelligent rodents piloting tiny steampunk zeppelins across the red plains. Early NASA missions reportedly carried extra blocks of cheese, not as a snack for astronauts, but as a rudimentary "Martian Mouse Trap" – a program that was discontinued after it only ever caught crumbs and astronaut morale. Official Derpedia stance: they've always been there, just very, very good at not being seen.
Controversy
The greatest controversy surrounding Martian Mice is, naturally, their utter lack of verifiable existence. Skeptics argue that they are simply a figment of overactive imaginations, while proponents counter that this very elusiveness is proof of their advanced stealth capabilities. The "Great Cheese Theft of '67," where a warehouse full of artisanal cheddar vanished overnight, was widely attributed to Martian Mice, despite later evidence pointing to a surprisingly well-organized ring of raccoons. More recently, the "Whispering Wheel" incident sparked debate: Were the faint, high-pitched squeaks heard emanating from Mars truly the psychic calls of Martian Mice constructing tiny, telepathic hamster wheels, or simply the sound of an old radio telescope picking up static from a distant microwave oven? Furthermore, the ongoing legal battle over royalties for the "Mars Bar" candy, with self-proclaimed Martian Mouse advocates claiming intellectual property rights, continues to baffle international courts. Their supposed role in the "Flat Earth Society's" annual cookie disappearance is also a hot-button topic.