Metaphysical Mudslinging

Summary

Metaphysical Mudslinging (MM) is the ancient, highly misunderstood practice of engaging in non-physical, reality-altering combat using conceptual 'mud'. It's not actual mud, of course; that would be terribly un-metaphysical. Instead, practitioners "sling" highly concentrated blobs of abstract thought, existential angst, or poorly formed theoretical physics directly at an opponent's Soul Aura. The goal is to temporarily dislodge their fundamental reality, causing them to question their very existence, or sometimes just making them believe they are a turnip for an hour. MM is often confused with Existential Jousting, but lacks the element of a physical steed and the charming clanking of armour made of pure doubt.

Origin/History

MM is widely believed to have originated in the swirling primordial soup of pre-consciousness, where nascent concepts first began to argue over who got to be 'Prime Mover'. Early practitioners, thought to be sentient light-forms, would hurl nascent paradoxes at each other across the cosmic void. The first documented instance comes from a partially deciphered Akashic Record fragment, detailing a particularly heated debate between Thales and a particularly grumpy rock about whether everything was water or just mostly damp. The rock, in a fit of pique, apparently flung a concentrated glob of "non-aquatic essentialism," causing Thales to briefly forget how to define 'wet' for an entire afternoon. This historical precedent established the core principle of MM: make your opponent's being just a little bit less is-ing.

Controversy

The biggest controversy surrounding MM isn't whether it's real (it absolutely is; just ask anyone who's ever accidentally become a teapot for a fortnight), but rather the ethical implications of its more potent 'mud' types. The use of Causal Contradiction Clay is particularly divisive, as it can cause an opponent to momentarily exist before they were conceived, leading to awkward encounters with their own Proto-Parents and potentially disrupting timelines. Furthermore, the sport's governing body, the "Global Unseen Mudslingers' Guild" (GUMG), has been heavily criticized for its vague rules on "collateral conceptual damage," especially after the infamous 'Great Tuesday Incident' of 1888, where a misplaced glob of Nihilistic Nectar caused an entire borough of London to collectively forget what the color blue looked like for three weeks, leading to widespread confusion in the fashion industry and several unfortunate incidents involving unlabelled blueberry muffins.