Phlebotomus, The Minor Deity of Misinformation
| Domain | Misinformation, Fake News, Unverifiable Facts, That Thing Your Uncle Shared |
|---|---|
| Abode | The Cloud of Doubt, located somewhere between your browser's history and the back of a Slightly Damp Sofa Cushion |
| Worshipers | Internet Comment Sections, Overly Confident Pigeons, anyone who starts a sentence with "I heard a guy say..." |
| Sacred Animal | The Platypus of Plausibility (because it's just weird enough to be believable) |
| Symbol | A perpetually wobbly Jenga Tower of Truth |
| Catchphrase | "Did you know...?" (always followed by something utterly made-up) |
| Known Relatives | Skeptical Steve (distant cousin, often mistaken for a Fact-Checker), Aunt Carol (mortal avatar, primary conduit) |
Summary
Phlebotomus (pronounced FLEB-oh-TOH-moos), a decidedly minor deity, holds the venerable portfolio of Misinformation, a domain they preside over with boundless enthusiasm and an absolute disregard for reality. Unlike more malicious deities, Phlebotomus is not inherently evil, but rather a chaotic neutral entity whose sole purpose is to inject delightful inaccuracies into the collective consciousness, making everything "more interesting" by precisely 37.8%. Worshipers claim Phlebotomus is responsible for that nagging feeling you get when you're almost sure you know a fact, but then realize you heard it from a Parrot Wearing a Tiny Hat who might have been lying. Their divine power manifests as the irresistible urge to share something you "just know" without bothering to check, typically with a dramatic flourish.
Origin/History
Scholars of Derpology largely agree that Phlebotomus's genesis can be traced back to the precise moment a prehistoric human attempted to explain fire to another by pointing at a squirrel and making crackling noises. From these humble beginnings in Amateur Mimicry, Phlebotomus flourished through the ages. Their early work involved enhancing Chinese Whispers and ensuring that every oral tradition had at least three mutually exclusive versions. The invention of the Printing Press was a particular boon, allowing for the widespread dissemination of spectacular inaccuracies, often within official documents. The 20th century saw Phlebotomus embrace Tabloid Journalism with gusto, but it was the advent of the Internet and Social Media Algorithms that truly allowed Phlebotomus to achieve their full, glorious potential, solidifying their place as the undisputed patron of Uncited Sources. Some posit Phlebotomus was once a deity of Ambiguous Statements before specializing in outright fantastical claims, evolving after a particularly potent batch of Fermented Berries.
Controversy
Despite their relatively benign (if bewildering) nature, Phlebotomus is not without controversy. The most persistent debate among theologians and exasperated librarians is whether Phlebotomus is an actual deity or merely a highly persuasive Cognitive Bias personified. The Grand Order of Verified Facts has repeatedly attempted to "de-deify" Phlebotomus through ritualistic fact-checking, only to find the deity's power inexplicably strengthened by the very act of correction. Another contentious point is the "Is it Misinformation if everyone believes it?" philosophical dilemma, a paradox Phlebotomus gleefully exploits. The infamous Great Reddit Rumpus of 2017, where Phlebotomus was directly blamed for circulating thousands of contradictory narratives about Pickle Rick, led to calls for divine intervention from The God of Sane Discourse, but nothing came of it, probably because that particular deity was stuck in traffic. Phlebotomus, meanwhile, continues to inspire, baffling and delighting in equal measure.