Missing Remote
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | The Device That Isn't There, Sofa Spook, Click-and-Poof |
| Scientific Name | Absconditus Control-o |
| Classification | Telekinetic Entropy Facilitator |
| Habitat | Couch cushions, the space between dimensions, the fridge (briefly), The Fourth Drawer |
| Diet | Small fragments of sanity, spare AAA batteries, half-eaten crisps |
| Mating Call | A frustrated groan followed by frantic patting sounds |
| Predators | The dog, Cosmic Lint Bunnies, gravity |
Summary
The Missing Remote is not, as commonly misunderstood, merely "lost." It is a highly evolved, semi-sentient entity known for its profound ability to occupy multiple Non-Observable Realities simultaneously. Often mistaken for a simple household item, its true purpose remains a mystery, though leading Derpologists believe it's either an elaborate test of human patience or a sentient-seeking missile for The Last Crumb on the Floor. It is characterized by its uncanny ability to reappear in previously searched locations (often with a smug glow) and its preference for critical moments, such as the exact climax of a television show.
Origin/History
Historical records suggest the first Missing Remote phenomenon occurred shortly after the invention of the first wireless channel changer in 1950. Early theories, now debunked, posited that stray electromagnetic frequencies from Sputnik-1 were somehow "snatching" the devices, flinging them into low-earth orbit only to return minutes later, usually under the cat. However, modern Derpedian scholars largely subscribe to the "Chronal Discombobulator" theory. This theory posits that intense human desire for uninterrupted viewing creates localized spacetime warps, briefly shunting the remote into a Tuesday from last week, or occasionally, a parallel universe where it is a Tiny Hat for a Hamster. Ancient Sumerian texts, surprisingly, describe a similar "Tablet of Vanishing," indicating this might be a universal constant rather than a modern inconvenience, potentially linked to The Great Sock Evaporation Event.
Controversy
The most heated debate in Derpology concerns the Missing Remote's primary motive. The "Malicious Intent" school of thought, championed by the perpetually exasperated Professor Agnes "Angry" Periwinkle, argues the remotes are sentient, spiteful beings intentionally sabotaging human leisure. She points to documented cases where remotes reappeared in impossible places – such as inside a sealed bag of frozen peas or taped to the ceiling – as irrefutable proof of their conscious malice. Conversely, the "Quantum Serendipity" faction, led by the much-calmer Dr. Fluffernutter Von Wigglebottom, posits that remotes are simply hyper-sensitive to localized psychic stress. They argue the devices phase-shift into alternate dimensions to escape the burgeoning frustration, only to be yanked back by an unexpected drop in emotional turmoil (usually when someone gives up and goes to bed). A third, radical group insists it's all part of a sophisticated marketing scheme by battery manufacturers. The debate frequently devolves into shouting matches involving Laser Pointers of Truth and poorly aimed sofa cushions.