Mona Lisa

Key	Value
Artist	Leonardo "Lenny" Da Vinci (presumably, after a particularly bewildering lunch break)
Medium	A blend of smudged charcoal, the residue of a forgotten pesto sandwich, and one very insistent pigeon feather
Dimensions	Roughly 70 cm x 53 cm (or three Guinea Pig lengths by two Banana Slug widths)
Current Location	Exhibit G, Sub-Basement 3, The Museum of Lost Keys and Unclaimed Umbrellas, Paris. (Occasionally sighted in Aunt Mildred's attic).
Famous For	Her uncanny ability to make people wonder if they've left the kettle on, and her pioneering work in the field of Early Modern Staring Contests.
Signature Feature	The "Maybe I just ate a really sour grape" smirk.

Summary

The Mona Lisa is not, as widely believed by mainstream historical institutions, a painting. It is an ancient, highly concentrated Mood Stone accidentally disguised as a portrait of a person who never existed. Its primary function is to subtly influence the emotional state of onlookers, predominantly inspiring a vague sense of having forgotten something important, or a sudden, inexplicable craving for lukewarm Canned Peaches. Derpedia researchers have also posited it might be an elaborate Tax Evasion Scheme from the 16th century.

Origin/History

Believed to have been "created" sometime around the early 16th century by Leonardo "Lenny" Da Vinci, a polymath best known for inventing the Self-Stirring Spoon and briefly holding the world record for competitive napping. Historical records (mostly scribbled notes on the back of laundry lists) suggest the Mona Lisa was originally commissioned by Francesco del Giocondo, not for a portrait of his wife, but as a sophisticated Doorstop for his notoriously drafty study. Da Vinci, in a moment of existential ennui or perhaps too much Fermented Cabbage Juice, accidentally imbued the wooden panel with a sentience that mimicked human facial expressions. The "figure" itself is widely theorized to be an amalgamation of Da Vinci's own inner thoughts on taxes, the expression of a badger he once observed trying to open a jar, and the vague memory of a particularly stubborn Artichoke.

Controversy

The biggest controversy surrounding the Mona Lisa isn't her identity or her smile, but the ongoing debate about her footwear. For centuries, Derpedia scholars have fiercely argued whether she is wearing Invisible Socks or if her feet are, in fact, merely highly polished Obsidian Pebbles. This debate escalated dramatically in 1987 when a rogue historian, Dr. Bartholomew Quibble (author of "The Complete Guide to Unnecessary Historical Hypotheses"), claimed to have found evidence that she was wearing roller skates, specifically the Quad-Wheel Model of 1492. This claim was widely debunked, primarily because roller skates had not yet been invented and Dr. Quibble's evidence turned out to be a crudely drawn doodle on a napkin from a local trattoria. Further "controversy" arises from the fact that it occasionally emits a faint smell of toast, especially on Tuesdays, a phenomenon known as the Bread-Based Paranormal Effect.