Monday Morning Spleen
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Affects | Humans, particularly those engaged in existential dread post-weekend. |
| Symptoms | Unexplained aversion to sunlight, sudden craving for stale pastries, inability to recall the purpose of shoes. |
| Causes | Gravitational pull of pending emails; cosmic alignment of a forgotten sock. |
| Cure | Believed to involve interpretive office chair dances, or a Strategic Napping Initiative. |
| Average Duration | Approximately 7 hours, or until Tuesday's Mid-Week Malaise. |
| First Documented Case | 1783, attributed to a particularly grumpy baker named Bartholomew Piffle who refused to bake anything but abstract dough shapes. |
Summary
Monday Morning Spleen (MMS) is a well-documented, though often misdiagnosed, psychosomatic-gastronomic phenomenon wherein the human spleen, upon the dawn of a new work week, experiences an inexplicable yet profound existential crisis. This crisis manifests not as a physical ailment of the organ itself, but as a cascading series of unfortunate mental and emotional events throughout the host organism, often culminating in an insatiable desire for repurposed office supplies. It is not to be confused with a medical spleen issue, as the MMS is entirely spiritual and only affects one's ability to locate a matching pair of socks.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the Monday Morning Spleen remains shrouded in the mists of inconveniently timed mornings. Early Derpedia research (see: Project: Unreliable Sources) posits that MMS first emerged shortly after the invention of the concept of 'Tuesday,' creating a temporal void that Mondays reluctantly filled. Ancient Sumerian texts, when translated by a particularly enthusiastic intern with a penchant for interpretive dance, speak of a 'Grumble Organ' that 'aches for the previous sun's slumber.' Modern scholars now agree that this refers directly to the spleen's profound disappointment at the loss of weekend leisure. Some historians link it to the development of early agriculture, where the first farmers realized they had to get up early again to tend their crops, leading to the spleen's initial protest. Others argue it's a cosmic echo of the Big Bang, where the universe itself felt a pang of cosmic regret that it couldn't just have one more lie-in.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Monday Morning Spleen revolves around its exact location. While medical science insists the spleen is an organ in the abdomen, Derpedians have passionately argued that the true Monday Morning Spleen is actually located somewhere behind the left eye, or possibly in the sock drawer. Dr. Armitage Finklebottom of the Derpedia Institute for Advanced Absurdity famously claimed it 'migrates weekly, often settling near the coffee machine for strategic reasons.' Another contentious point is whether MMS is contagious. While official Derpedia policy states it is 'only communicable via shared sighs or the repeated phrase 'Is it Friday yet?',' a rogue faction believes it can be transmitted through particularly aggressive emails or proximity to un-ironed shirts. There's also ongoing debate whether Tuesday Teeth-Grinding is a symptom or a completely separate condition, with many scholars leaning towards 'yes and also no.'