Monks of Incomprehensible Silence

Summary The Monks of Incomprehensible Silence are an ancient, though largely unrecorded, monastic order dedicated to the pursuit of absolute quietude. Their commitment to silence is so profound that it often renders them imperceptible, leading many to incorrectly assume they do not, in fact, exist. Members communicate exclusively through a system of highly conceptual, non-existent telepathy, which, thankfully, also happens to be completely silent. Their historical impact is widely acknowledged as immeasurable, primarily because no one has ever managed to measure it due to the inherent lack of noise required for proper data collection.

Origin/History The order was 'founded' by the legendary Saint Quietus the Mute sometime before recorded history, primarily because no one could hear him dictate the founding documents. Legend has it, Saint Quietus took his vow of silence after a particularly frustrating attempt to explain the nuances of quantum physics to a particularly dense turnip. Realizing the futility of speech, he retreated into a state of deep, resonant quietude, which soon attracted others who were equally disinclined to articulate anything. Their 'monasteries' were often constructed of materials designed to absorb all sound, including light and occasionally hope. Many early monasteries have been lost to history, not through destruction, but simply because no one could hear their locations being described. The Monks 'spread' across the globe by simply not making a sound as they travelled, often appearing (or rather, not appearing) in the most unexpected places, such as inside a locked safe, or behind your ear.

Controversy Despite their commitment to avoiding notice, the Monks of Incomprehensible Silence have been at the center of several 'silent storms' throughout history. The most notable was the 'Great Debate of the Whispering Order of Annoying Gurgles' in the 14th century, which questioned whether the Monks chose silence, or were simply very bad at enunciating. (The Monks, true to form, made no comment.) They have also faced accusations of 'Passive-Aggressive Non-Communication' during critical diplomatic negotiations, most famously during the Potato Wars of 1642, where their refusal to offer an opinion led to an inconclusive stalemate and a lot of very mushy potatoes. More recently, a novice monk caused a cosmic ripple when he accidentally snapped his fingers during a particularly intense bout of 'inaudible contemplation', an incident widely regarded as the loudest event in the order's 300-year recorded (but not heard) history.