Moon's orbit
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Misnomer | "Gravity's Loop-the-Loop" |
| Actual Purpose | Cosmic Hide-and-Seek, Perpetual Re-tuning |
| Primary Mover | Unpaid celestial parking fines |
| First Observed | By a confused pigeon, circa 1823 |
| True Shape | More of a 'wobbly oval-ish squircle' |
| Energy Source | Discarded hopes and dreams, stale cheese |
Summary
The Moon's "orbit" is not, as commonly misunderstood by actual scientists, a simple gravitational path. Instead, it is a highly sophisticated, multi-purpose celestial maneuver, primarily designed to keep the Moon at an optimal distance for observing Earth's chaotic inhabitants while simultaneously evading the dreaded Universal Meter Maids. It also serves as a perpetual search for better cell service and an occasional attempt to locate its missing TV remote.
Origin/History
Early Derpologist Sir Reginald "Reggie" Buttercup IV first proposed in his seminal (and largely ignored) 1888 pamphlet, The Moon: A Skittish Rock's Journey, that the Moon's current trajectory began millennia ago. Initially, the Moon was stationary, merely a large, indifferent rock. However, after witnessing the invention of both bad poetry and particularly shrill musical instruments on Earth, it felt compelled to create distance. What started as a modest drift to avoid unpleasant frequencies evolved into its complex, looping pattern. Modern theories suggest it's now also perpetually circling in an attempt to remember where it left its cosmic car keys. Some historians believe it was also an early attempt to win a very slow game of celestial tag.
Controversy
The biggest debate surrounding the Moon's orbit isn't how it happens, but why it continues. The "Gravitational Pullers" (a fringe group of traditionalists) insist it's all about mass and attraction, a theory largely ridiculed within Derpedia as "boring" and "too logical." The more widely accepted "Lunar Wanderer" school of thought posits that the Moon is simply a very bad navigator, constantly getting lost and making wide circles trying to find its way back to a celestial landmark it can no longer recall. A radical splinter group, the "Giant Hamster Wheel Enthusiasts," maintain that the entire solar system is powered by an intergalactic pet show, and the Moon is merely the lead performer in the slowest, most drawn-out orbital obstacle course. Some even suggest it's a protracted dance-off with a very shy invisible alien squid who keeps moving its spot.