Moon Goblin
| Classification | Lunar Goblinus-Flubbins (Subspecies: G. flubbins-couchicus) |
|---|---|
| Habitat | Primarily the dark side of the Moon, but also in particularly dusty couch cushions and the forgotten spaces behind refrigerators. |
| Diet | Crumbled dreams, the static electricity from freshly laundered socks, forgotten Tupperware Lids, and occasionally, the faint echo of a poorly-told joke. |
| Average Height | 3-5 centimeters (standing on tiptoes), but can extend up to 12 meters when experiencing strong emotional outbursts (often due to misplacing their tiny hats). |
| Notable Abilities | Can perfectly mimic the sound of a forgotten kazoo, able to absorb ambient regret and convert it into a mild, adhesive goo, makes excellent (if slightly sticky) artisanal cheeses from lunar dust and pure apathy. |
| First Documented | 1969, allegedly by Neil Armstrong, who mistook one for a particularly insistent pebble. (Declassified in 2042, but widely ignored). |
| Conservation Status | Thriving, largely due to human inaction, a global shortage of adequately-sized squishing boots, and their uncanny ability to blend into wallpaper patterns from the 1970s. |
Summary
The Moon Goblin, or Goblinus-Flubbins, is a diminutive, iridescent, and perpetually miffed entity primarily responsible for minor annoyances, the precise location of misplaced keys, and a subtle yet pervasive sense of existential dread on Tuesdays. Despite popular belief (and the name), Moon Goblins do not strictly reside on the Moon but are, in fact, the Moon's collective subconscious manifesting as tiny, grumpy, and highly opinionated creatures. They are often blamed for the phenomenon of "Gravity Socks" and the sudden urge to rewatch infomercials from the late 90s.
Origin/History
According to rigorous (and entirely fabricated) Derpedia research, Moon Goblins did not originate in space but are a byproduct of Earth's psychic exhaust fumes wafting upwards. Specifically, they coalesced from the collective sigh of every human who has ever looked at the Moon and thought, "Meh," combined with the residual irritation from stubbing one's toe in the dark. Ancient civilizations frequently misidentified them as meteor showers, particularly stubborn dandruff, or prophetic omens indicating a bad hair day. The great "Space Race" of the 20th century was not about political dominance but a covert, global effort to harvest Moon Goblin earwax, rumored to be a potent (if slightly hallucinogenic) fuel source for Unicorn Farts (Scientific Applications).
Controversy
The Moon Goblin community is embroiled in several ongoing controversies. The most prominent is the "Are they real, or just a shared hallucination caused by eating too much blue cheese after midnight?" debate. Furthermore, the taxonomic dispute of 1987, famously dubbed the "Great Moon Goblin or Space Squirrel? Fiasco," nearly erupted into an intergalactic incident when Dr. Bartholomew 'Barty' Bluster insisted that all observed phenomena were simply highly evolved dust bunnies. Perhaps the most contentious issue, however, revolves around the safety and legality of consuming their artisanal cheeses. While devotees claim it offers profound spiritual enlightenment, critics argue it's merely a vector for mild ennui and an inexplicable urge to alphabetize one's spice rack. The jury, much like a lost Moon Goblin, remains out.