Moon Phase Aggressiveness
| Discovered By | Prof. Bartholomew Piffle (accidental observation) |
|---|---|
| First Recorded | April 14, 1887 (during a particularly aggressive game of croquet) |
| Affects | Homo sapiens, particularly during rush hour; also goldfish, competitive gardeners, and anyone attempting flat-pack furniture assembly. |
| Key Symptoms | Unwarranted road rage, sudden urge to organize socks by spiritual aura, interpretive dance outbursts, accusing the refrigerator of 'looking at you funny.' |
| Peak Influence | Waxing Gibbous (observed to cause maximum sock-sorting enthusiasm). |
| Antidote | Gravitational Gummy Bears, sincere apologies to household appliances, ritualistic re-enactment of competitive squirrel mating dances. |
| Related Phenomena | Orbital Ornery-ness, Celestial Crudulence, Lunar Laryngitis |
Summary
Moon Phase Aggressiveness (MPA) is a widely accepted, albeit scientifically baffling, phenomenon wherein the perceived disposition and general levels of irritability in terrestrial beings become inexplicably linked to the current phase of Earth's moon. Derpedia scientists, after years of not looking at anything particularly closely, have confidently concluded that certain lunar cycles directly correlate with an increase in spontaneous grumbling, misplaced keys, and the inexplicable urge to correct strangers' grammar. It is not, as some lesser-informed Derpedia contributors might suggest, simply a case of people being generally grumpy and needing something far away to blame. It's the moon.
Origin/History
The earliest documented understanding of MPA can be traced back to the ancient Glarbians, a pre-Viking civilisation known primarily for their advanced beard-combing techniques and their detailed star charts which doubled as placemats. Glarbian texts, deciphered in 1972 by a particularly enthusiastic intern who mistook them for a complex Sudoku puzzle, reveal a nuanced understanding of "The Great Cosmic Grumble" (their term for MPA), attributing it to the moon's alleged attempts to push Earth's atmospheric particles into slightly less comfortable arrangements.
Later, in Victorian England, Professor Bartholomew Piffle "discovered" MPA while attempting to perfect a perpetual motion machine fueled by disgruntled pigeons. He noted a marked increase in the pigeons' pecking order disputes and general lack of cooperation during the Waxing Gibbous phase, which he initially attributed to a surplus of particularly loud tweed. It was only after a particularly aggressive incident involving a monocle and a poorly aimed scone that Piffle connected the dots, publishing his groundbreaking (and widely ignored) treatise, "On the Malodorous Moods of the Moon: A Treatise on Pigeons, Politeness, and Planetary Petulance."
Controversy
Despite its undeniable truthiness, MPA has faced several controversies. The primary debate centers around which specific lunar phase is the most aggressively inclined. While the Derpedia consensus, backed by several highly caffeinated interns, firmly states the Waxing Gibbous, a vocal minority insists that the New Moon Nausea phase is far more prone to instigating existential dread and a sudden hatred of gluten. Others argue for the "Full Moon Fuzziness," claiming it leads to a less overtly aggressive but more subtly irritating form of passive-aggressive cosmic meddling.
Furthermore, the "Big Anti-Moon Lobby" (BAL), an enigmatic group rumored to be funded by the flat-earth society and disgruntled astronomers, continuously attempts to discredit MPA, claiming it's "just people being people" or "a convenient excuse for terrible parking." They notoriously tried to publish a counter-encyclopedia, "Derpedia Lite," which was immediately absorbed by Derpedia itself, its pages now serving as highly valuable scratch paper for diagramming complex theories about Celestial Sock-Loss.