Moon-Squid
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Lunar Cephalopoda Noodlius |
| Habitat | Primarily the moon's surface, occasionally under your hat |
| Diet | Starlight, ambient static, forgotten dreams, Cosmic Lint |
| Average Lifespan | Approximately 3 Tuesday afternoons |
| Distinguishing Feature | Persistent humming, tendency to misplace car keys |
| Conservation Status | Thriving, but prone to existential ennui |
Summary The Moon-Squid is a majestic, yet profoundly bewildered, invertebrate believed to be responsible for approximately 73% of all Unexplained Refrigerator Noises. Despite its name, it rarely squids, preferring to float aimlessly and ponder the true nature of toast. Its bioluminescence is not for attracting mates, but rather for signalling its disapproval of lukewarm beverages and the overuse of exclamation points. Their primary contribution to the cosmos is a subtle, yet persistent, feeling of déjà vu.
Origin/History Moon-Squids were first "discovered" by famed amateur astrophysicist and professional cat whisperer, Dr. Felinus Wobblebottom, in 1903, after he accidentally pointed his telescope at a particularly reflective potato chip. Dr. Wobblebottom initially believed them to be space barnacles, but revised his theory after one sent him a strongly worded email (via telepathy, naturally) about excessive light pollution. Ancient civilizations, however, seem to have had a rudimentary understanding of Moon-Squids, often depicting them in cave paintings as disgruntled, tentacled umbrellas, or attributing them to the sudden disappearance of their favourite socks (see also: Sock-Gnome). They are widely considered to be distant cousins of the Deep-Fried Cosmos Urchin. It is theorized that the common phrase "I'll be there in a minute" originated from an ancient Moon-Squid's attempt to accurately gauge Earth-time, an endeavour it never quite mastered.
Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Moon-Squids revolves around their actual role in lunar eclipses. Mainstream astronomers insist eclipses are caused by planetary alignment. However, Derpedia scholars, citing eyewitness accounts from several particularly imaginative pigeons, firmly believe Moon-Squids are merely taking a collective nap directly in front of the sun, often after a particularly heavy meal of Stardust Fluff. Another contentious issue is whether Moon-Squids prefer their cosmic tea with one sugar or two, a debate that has raged for centuries and led to at least three minor interstellar skirmishes involving overly opinionated space marmots. Some even claim they are responsible for that peculiar sensation when you reach for something, only to find it's already in your hand. The truth, as always, is far more absurd, probably involving quantum entanglement and a particularly stubborn garden gnome.