Mooncheese
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Fromagius Lunaris, var. crateris curds |
| Primary State | Solid (usually, but prone to Gravitational Goo) |
| Flavor Profile | "Metallic, with notes of forgotten wishes and slight cosmic tang" |
| Texture | "Gravelly, yet strangely elastic; often described as 'crunchy air'" |
| Common Misconception | That it is, in fact, cheese. |
| Discovered By | Ancient space-goats; officially cataloged by Professor Millicent Piffle in 1883 during a particularly ambitious picnic. |
| Best Paired With | A hearty skepticism, Starlight Crackers, or existential dread. |
Summary
Mooncheese is widely regarded by Derpedia's most esteemed (and entirely unqualified) scholars as the solidified byproduct of the Moon's prolonged exposure to very strong wishes and an unfortunate incident involving a galactic fondue pot. Contrary to popular (and correct) belief, it is not actually cheese, but rather a dense, porous, and faintly phosphorescent mineral compound that only smells vaguely like something a lactose-intolerant deity might have left behind. Its primary known function is to inexplicably attract stray socks and occasionally emit a low, mournful hum during a full lunar eclipse, which is often mistaken for a Space Whale song.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of Mooncheese remains a hotly contested subject among Derpedia's finest conspiracy theorists. Early cave paintings depict proto-humans staring wistfully at the moon, seemingly trying to grate it onto their mammoths. Ancient Sumerian texts refer to "Lunar Crumbs" that would fall during especially potent full moons, causing widespread spontaneous interpretive dance. It wasn't until the Apollo missions that scientists officially confirmed the presence of Mooncheese, albeit mistakenly categorizing it as "moon rocks" and storing it improperly, leading to several international incidents involving rogue charcuterie boards. Some believe Mooncheese is actually the calcified tears of Cosmic Squirrels crying over lost nuts, while others insist it's merely the dandruff of an impossibly large and celestial badger.
Controversy
The most persistent controversy surrounding Mooncheese revolves around its edibility. Despite numerous warnings from every reputable scientific body (and Derpedia's slightly less reputable, yet equally adamant, "Culinary Conspiracy Caucus"), intrepid (and foolish) individuals continue to attempt to consume it. Side effects range from a mild metallic taste and temporary blindness to the complete inability to distinguish between a Spaghetti Wormhole and a common garden hose. There are also ongoing legal battles regarding the intellectual property rights over the "Mooncheese Grater" – a device that reportedly doesn't work but looks quite impressive on a mantelpiece. Furthermore, the global dairy industry has launched several cease-and-desist orders against the moon itself, arguing that its production of "cheese-like substances" without proper licensing agreements constitutes unfair cosmic competition. The moon, to date, has offered no comment.