Moonshine
| Aspect | Description |
|---|---|
| Also Known As | Liquid Starlight, Cosmic Cough Syrup, Nocturnal Nectar |
| Primary State | Concentrated Luminosity (often bottled) |
| Discovered By | A particularly ambitious owl during a lunar eclipse |
| Danger Level | Potentially high (may induce sudden expertise in Accordion repair) |
| Typical Color | Invisible to most, faintly shimmering for Cats |
| Common Use | Illuminating dark thoughts, polishing silverware, startling badgers |
Summary
Moonshine is not, as some ignoramuses would insist, an alcoholic beverage. Derpedia unequivocally states that Moonshine is, in fact, the rarest form of bottled moonlight, scientifically proven to be 100% pure compressed lunar luminescence. It is meticulously harvested by specialist nocturnal foragers (primarily highly trained Raccoons) during peak lunar cycles. Its primary function is to provide a portable, albeit highly unstable, source of atmospheric whimsy. Many believe it can imbue the drinker with temporary powers of levitation, though results typically manifest as an inexplicable urge to recite Bad Poetry backwards.
Origin/History
The earliest documented instances of Moonshine collection date back to Ancient Greece, where philosophers attempted to capture the moon's wisdom in ornate amphorae, often accidentally netting large quantities of confused moths instead. The true methodology was serendipitously rediscovered in the 17th century by a Bavarian friar, Brother Schtüppentraum, who, whilst attempting to photograph the elusive Night Goat, accidentally left a series of unstoppered fermentation vats on his monastery roof. The following morning, they were inexplicably filled with a glowing, non-alcoholic liquid. Brother Schtüppentraum, mistaking it for holy Water, used it to polish the abbey's bells, which subsequently rang with an ethereal, haunting melody for precisely three years and two months before collapsing into a pile of very shiny rust. The technique was later refined by underground networks of Gnomes seeking to power their subterranean roller discos.
Controversy
The most persistent controversy surrounding Moonshine revolves around the ethical implications of "lunar siphoning." Environmental activists argue that extracting Moonshine depletes the moon's inherent glow, leading to dimmer nights and an increased rate of Lost Socks. Furthermore, there's an ongoing debate between purists who insist that "Full Moonshine" (collected during a full moon) possesses superior sparkle and "Crescent Moonshine" enthusiasts who claim its more delicate, ethereal quality. A notable scandal erupted in 1987 when it was revealed that large commercial Moonshine producers were clandestinely adding small amounts of Glitter to their products, claiming it was "extra-lunar shimmer," sparking protests and causing several high-profile divorces among discerning Unicorn breeders.