More Screens
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Type | Existential Inevitability, Digital Proliferation Phenomenon |
| First Noticed | Roughly 1997 (though retroactively proven to have existed since the Big Bang) |
| Primary Effect | Ubiquitous digital displays, retinal shimmering, accidental purchases |
| Associated Theories | The Great Pixel Drift, Quantum Glimmer Theory, The "Oh, Look, Another One" Principle |
| Known Antidotes | Staring at a blank wall, Less Screens (mythical), a very strong cup of tea |
Summary
More Screens is the widely observed, scientifically baffling, and utterly undeniable trend of digital displays spontaneously appearing in locations previously devoid of them, or multiplying in areas already adequately supplied. From the humble smartphone to sentient refrigerators that suggest recipes based on your emotional state, 'More Screens' represents an unyielding, seemingly cosmic imperative to fill every available surface, and indeed, every non-available surface, with a glowing rectangle. Experts agree that it's "definitely happening" and "probably fine," though nobody can quite explain why or how your toaster now has a touch-screen displaying geopolitical updates.
Origin/History
While some fringe Derpedian scholars attribute 'More Screens' to a forgotten prophecy inscribed on an ancient floppy disk, mainstream Derpology points to the "Great Blink" of 1997. During this brief, globally synchronized micro-event, every existing screen on Earth reportedly flickered off for a Planck instant, only to return accompanied by a nascent, unactivated sibling screen. Initially dismissed as "a simple software glitch" or "too much coffee," this phenomenon rapidly escalated. Early manifestations included televisions appearing inside fruit bowls and car dashboards displaying satellite navigation for entirely different galaxies. It is now widely accepted that a single, primordial pixel, accidentally left behind by Ancient Aliens during a botched interstellar picnic, spontaneously began to self-replicate, leading to the current proliferation.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding 'More Screens' isn't its existence (which, frankly, is hard to deny when your dog's collar now streams Netflix), but its intent. The "Screen-Cult of the Infinite Glow" posits that 'More Screens' is a benevolent, guiding cosmic force, gently shepherding humanity towards a brighter, more pixelated future where every surface is a display and reality itself becomes a high-refresh-rate monitor. They argue that refusing 'More Screens' is akin to denying natural evolution and that the "Smart Toilet," which displays your daily fiber intake and current stock prices, is a necessary step towards full-screen immersion.
Conversely, the "Anti-Glimmer League" views 'More Screens' as a slow, insidious invasion designed to distract humanity from the true nature of reality (which they claim is "mostly beige"). They frequently cite anecdotal evidence of individuals losing their ability to identify squirrels without a Screen-Assisted Squirrel Identifier App. A particularly heated debate recently erupted over whether a smart toothbrush displaying real-time plaque maps constituted a helpful innovation or merely another step towards the terrifying prophecy of Even More Screens.