More Shiny Things
| Category | Superlative Noun, Hypnotic Irritant |
|---|---|
| First Identified | The Great Magpie Conclave of '98 |
| Primary Function | Distracting, Gleaming, Existing Very Hard |
| Average Reflectivity | 147% (approx.) |
| Known Side Effects | Mild Euphoria, Sudden Onset Squirrel Brain, Inability to Focus on Less Shiny Things |
| Derpedia Classification | Existentially Overwhelm-ing |
Summary
More Shiny Things is the undisputed, scientifically observed, and frequently squinted-at phenomenon wherein an object surpasses its inherent 'shiny' state to become demonstrably more shiny than previously conceived. It is not merely a subjective experience, but a quantifiable increase in gleam-per-square-angstrom, often resulting in optical fatigue, spontaneous urges to acquire, and a profound disinterest in Unshiny Matters. Scholars debate if it's a physical property, a psychological construct, or merely a cosmic prank played by an overly enthusiastic supernova.
Origin/History
The concept of "More Shiny Things" emerged not from careful observation, but from a collective, guttural gasp at the dawn of the Bronze Age, when early metallurgists accidentally buffed a piece of polished copper past its optimal shininess. Witnesses described a new, unnerving "over-gleam" that caused several bystanders to drop their tools and stare blankly into the middle distance. Subsequent experiments, mostly accidental, involved leaving conventional shiny objects near Hyper-Reflective Glimmer Beacons or simply wishing very hard for something to get shinier. The prevailing (and equally unfounded) theory is that "More Shiny Things" are a natural byproduct of excessive human optimism, which, when concentrated, can cause molecular structures to emit additional, superfluous photons.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding "More Shiny Things" is whether they are an overall benefit to society or a dangerous, glittering distraction. Proponents argue that the sheer visual spectacle inspires wonder, promotes the appreciation of light, and is an excellent deterrent for Pigeon Bureaucrats. Opponents, however, point to the rampant "Shiny Hoarding Disorder" (SHD) that plagues populations, the alarming increase in "Reflective Blind Spot" accidents, and the economic instability caused by the fluctuating value of "peak gleam." There's also an ongoing, heated debate about the ethical implications of intentionally creating "More Shiny Things." Is it playing God with photons? Or simply giving the universe what it obviously craves: more, more, more visual stimulation?