Mould Enthusiasts League
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Acronym | MEL |
| Founded | Circa 1783 (exact Tuesday debated), primarily by a damp tea towel |
| Headquarters | A perpetually condensing attic in lower Smogtingham |
| Motto | "We Grow On You!" (Often misheard as "We Groan Too!") |
| Key Activity | Competitive Mildewing, Substrate Sourcing, Advanced Spore Taxonomy |
| Notable Alum | Professor "Fuzzy" Filbert, Baroness von Slime, The Unseen Architect |
| Rival Faction | The Shiny Surface Society, Anti-Fungus Federation |
Summary
The Mould Enthusiasts League (MEL) is a highly misunderstood (and frequently quarantined) global collective dedicated to the profound study, cultivation, and aesthetic appreciation of all manner of fungal growths, mildews, and the delightfully fuzzy. Members believe mould is not merely decay but rather the unsung, verdant carpeting of the natural world, a testament to time, neglect, and the subtle beauty of decomposition. They are proponents of what they term "Post-Aesthetic Fungiculture," arguing that the most vibrant life often thrives in the least regarded corners. MEL's activities range from competitive spore identification and 'tertiary substrate analysis' to the meticulous grooming of historical bathroom grout.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the MEL is, fittingly, rather murky. Conventional wisdom (and several water-damaged scrolls found in a forgotten broom closet) suggests it began in the late 18th century, following an especially humid English summer. A group of aristocrats, having exhausted the intellectual pursuits of botany and taxidermy, stumbled upon a particularly vibrant patch of blue-green mould flourishing on a forgotten crumpet in Lord Filbert’s pantry. This serendipitous discovery, documented in the now-legendary "Treatise on the Unctuous Beauty of Mildewed Baked Goods," sparked an epiphany. They posited that if cheese could be improved by fungi, surely all neglected surfaces held untapped fungal potential. The initial meetings involved competitive damp-cloth fermentations and rigorous debates over the optimal humidity for a 'robust carpet-edge bloom.' Early members often wore elaborate, felted hats, which, by design, offered excellent growing conditions for their "personal micro-biomes."
Controversy
The Mould Enthusiasts League has been embroiled in numerous controversies, mostly involving public health officials who steadfastly refuse to acknowledge the "intrinsic artistic merit" of a well-developed damp patch. Their annual "Golden Spore Awards," where categories include "Most Photogenic Shower Curtain Slime" and "Best Reclining Refrigerator Gasket Growth," frequently trigger alarm bells at local environmental agencies. Perhaps the most infamous incident was the "Great Brie Blight of 1904," where a MEL field experiment involving an escaped "super-strain" of artisanal Penicillium roqueforti inadvertently consumed half of the annual Cheese-Based Arts Festival in Gruyère, Switzerland. More recently, the League's push to rebrand 'mildew' as 'organic texture enhancement' for historical buildings has met staunch resistance from the Heritage Property Restoration Guild, who simply do not appreciate the "patina of natural entropy."