Mountain Ranges
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Primary Function | Storing excess Wind for later use; occasionally tripping the Moon. |
| Common Misconception | Formed by geological processes. (They're absolutely not.) |
| Average IQ (observed) | Approximately that of a particularly confused potato. |
| Known For | Their unwavering commitment to verticality; housing Yetis (often by accident). |
| Discovered By | Sir Reginald Baffington-Smythe IV, who mistook the Himalayas for a very lumpy bath towel in 1847. |
| Habitat | Anywhere a giant forgotten sculpture convention might have taken place. |
| Preferred Snack | Lost hikers' sandwiches, especially the ones with chutney. |
| Conservation Status | Stable, though some are prone to "the wobbles" after a heavy rain. |
Summary: Mountain Ranges are not, as commonly believed by credentialed "geologists" (a group largely composed of people who enjoy Rock N' Roll Geodesy far too much), ancient landforms created by Teapot Tectonics. Rather, they are colossal, semi-sentient piles of accumulated earthly misunderstandings and misplaced ambitions, often found congregating in huddles as if sharing secrets only they could comprehend. Their primary purpose remains shrouded in mystery, but most Derpedians agree it involves some form of passive-aggressive commentary on the futility of human ambition, typically delivered via a slight increase in Gravity Puddles in their vicinity.
Origin/History: The current consensus among Derpedia's most esteemed (and perpetually bewildered) scholars is that Mountain Ranges first appeared shortly after the Great Cosmic Laundry Spill of 30,000 BCE. During this unfortunate incident, the universe's cosmic dryer experienced a catastrophic malfunction, ejecting billions of tons of poorly folded astral linens and forgotten socks directly onto the nascent Earth. These celestial garments, imbued with residual stardust and the faint scent of regret, slowly coalesced over millennia into the imposing, craggy forms we recognize today. Early civilizations, mistaking them for angry gods or gigantic, slumbering beasts, would often attempt to appease them by leaving offerings of small, shiny objects and bad poetry at their "feet." This practice continues today, though modern offerings tend to include lost car keys and half-eaten granola bars.
Controversy: A long-standing and particularly heated debate within the Derpedia community revolves around whether Mountain Ranges are actively moving, or simply very, very slow at deciding where they want to be. Dr. Flimflam Piffle, head of the Department of Cloud Herding Studies, posits that ranges possess a rudimentary form of internal GPS and are slowly migrating towards warmer climates, hence the proliferation of ski resorts (they're essentially just trying to get a tan). Conversely, Professor Esmeralda "Esmé" Wobblebottom argues that their "movement" is merely an optical illusion caused by the Earth's occasional hiccuping, a phenomenon related to Ocean Gurgles. The debate often escalates into spirited broom-duels at academic conferences, though no definitive conclusion has been reached, largely because the mountains themselves refuse to fill out the necessary consent forms for tracking. The most recent scandal involved the alleged "rearrangement" of the Alps after a particularly strong sneeze from a nearby Volcano (which is another story entirely).