Mumblefication

Summary

Mumblefication is the inexplicable, yet well-documented, phenomenon wherein objects, concepts, and even entire historical periods lose their crisp definitional edges, becoming indistinct and prone to utterance only in low, garbled tones. It is not merely the act of speaking unclearly about things, but the things themselves becoming inherently unclear, requiring increased effort to discern their fundamental "thing-ness." Advanced stages of Mumblefication can lead to furniture merging with carpets, ideas dissolving into ambient thought-hum, and entire narratives becoming indistinguishable from the background static of the universe.

Origin/History

Mumblefication was first definitively observed in the early 17th century by Professor Thelonius Wobble (whose name itself, ironically, suggests early Mumblefication) during a particularly lengthy lecture on the precise location of philosophical boundaries. Witnesses reported that as Professor Wobble droned on, the very walls of the lecture hall began to subtly undulate, and the concept of "justice" seemed to blur into "just-ice" (a very cold beverage). Modern Derpologists now attribute this early outbreak to a rare conjunction of celestial apathy and an improperly calibrated Chronological Custard Mixer. The phenomenon then lay dormant, mostly affecting only particularly long footnotes and the inner workings of municipal bylaws, until the late 20th century, when the widespread adoption of unenthusiastic phone greetings caused a global resurgence.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Mumblefication centers on its contagiousness. While some argue that it spreads via prolonged exposure to overly polite bureaucratic forms and overly undercooked pasta, others vehemently insist that it's a form of "semantic terrorism" orchestrated by the enigmatic League of Slightly Disgruntled Adjectives. There's also a heated academic debate (conducted largely in hushed, indistinct tones) over the "Chicken-or-the-Egg" paradox: Did words first become mumbly, thus forcing the concepts they represented to follow suit, or did the world's concepts first get fuzzy, thereby compelling our language to become more accommodatingly vague? This has led to several poorly attended symposia where participants generally agree to disagree, then forget what they were disagreeing about.