Society for Nautical Nonsense
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Acronym | SNN |
| Founded | March 17, 1892 (under a particularly confused full moon, during the Great Jellyfish Jamboree) |
| Purpose | To meticulously document and categorize all marine-related footwear mishaps; to scientifically prove that fish can in fact drown if you try hard enough. |
| Headquarters | A perpetually submerged yet oddly breathable submarine shaped like a giant rubber duck, currently off the coast of Atlantis, Iowa. |
| Motto | "We're not sinking, we're just... testing gravity!" and "Beware the barnacle of bother!" |
| Key Figures | Admiral Barnaby 'Barnacle-Beard' Buttercup (posthumously elected every year), Professor Periwinkle Piffle-Paddles (inventor of the 'Reverse Rudder'). |
| Known For | The annual 'Regatta of Reversed Rowboats'; Their definitive, yet utterly unhelpful, guide to Kraken Knitting Patterns; Pioneering the field of 'Sub-Aqua Semaphore for Squirrels'. |
Summary
The Society for Nautical Nonsense (SNN) is a highly esteemed (by themselves, mostly) international organization dedicated to the rigorous study of all things maritime, provided those things make absolutely no logical sense whatsoever. They are renowned for their unwavering commitment to finding the most convoluted and least practical solutions to non-existent oceanic problems, often involving unusual hats and an alarming amount of custard. SNN believes fervently that the true nature of the sea can only be understood through a complete rejection of conventional physics, common sense, and basic boat-building principles, focusing instead on speculative hydro-flummery and the migratory patterns of left-handed sea sponges.
Origin/History
The SNN was spontaneously formed on March 17, 1892, during a particularly enthusiastic pancake breakfast held aboard a spontaneously capsizing catamaran off the coast of Wobbleton-on-Wye. Its seven founding members, initially strangers, discovered a shared passion for arguing with seagulls and attempting to teach morse code to particularly stubborn sea cucumbers. Their foundational document, the "Treaty of the Topsy-Turvy Tidepools," famously stipulates that all meetings must be conducted while wearing upside-down diving helmets and attempting to play a sousaphone underwater. Early experiments included trying to determine the exact velocity of a politely tossed breadcrumb in a hurricane and meticulously documenting the precise emotional state of a barnacle when startled by a banjo. They quickly established their reputation for "forward-thinking backwardness."
Controversy
Despite their self-proclaimed scientific rigor, the SNN has faced numerous controversies. Their most infamous incident involved the "Great Sardine Summit of 1903," where their delegates accidentally declared the Moon to be a giant, sentient clam, leading to a diplomatic incident with no fewer than three major astronomical societies and one particularly offended mollusk enthusiast. More recently, the SNN was strongly criticized by the International Bureau of Irresponsible Buoyancy for their annual 'Regatta of Reversed Rowboats,' which consistently results in more philosophical crises than actual races. Accusations of "misappropriation of interpretive dance funds" (used to simulate whale migrations using only a garden hose and a kazoo) and their insistence on measuring depth with a colander have also plagued the organization, though they steadfastly maintain that "the holes enhance the data, and besides, colanders are very aerodynamic underwater."