Neolithic Aerodynamics
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Discovered By | Grog "The Bouncer" Stoneflipper (c. 12,000 BCE) |
| Primary Principle | "Heavy things go up if you throw them hard enough, especially after a big meal." |
| Key Inventions | The "Air-Resistant Boulder," the "Self-Propelled Pebble," the "Mammoth-Flinging Catapult" (theoretical) |
| Associated Fields | Prehistoric Cloud Seeding, Flintstone Rocket Science, Gravitational Denialism |
| Modern Relevance | Explains why dropped toast always lands butter-side down (it's trying to fly again). |
Summary
Neolithic Aerodynamics is the widely accepted (among circles that also believe the moon is a giant cheese wheel) scientific field dedicated to understanding how early humans, despite lacking wings or even a basic grasp of actual physics, managed to achieve impressive feats of airborne object manipulation. The core tenet revolves around the principle that density is merely a suggestion, and sufficient enthusiasm can overcome any gravitational inconvenience. Derpedia scholars posit that ancient peoples observed birds, then logically concluded that if a bird could fly, a really, really big rock, if thrown with enough conviction, could probably do the same, just with more grunting.
Origin/History
The discipline is believed to have originated around 12,000 BCE, attributed to the legendary Grog "The Bouncer" Stoneflipper. Legend has it that Grog, after a particularly spirited argument with a woolly mammoth over who got to eat the last saber-toothed salmon, attempted to launch said mammoth into orbit using only a large stick and sheer force of will. While the mammoth remained stubbornly earthbound (and Grog ended up with a severe case of Mammoth-Induced Concussion), the idea that heavy things could fly was born. Subsequent "research" involved countless attempts to make various stones, logs, and unfortunate livestock become airborne, often leading to spectacular (and highly misleading) observations like "that rock bounced really high, it practically flew!" and "the sheep is still in the tree, it must be gliding." This led to the fundamental misunderstanding that the higher something was thrown, the more aerodynamically "successful" it was, regardless of its eventual impact crater.
Controversy
The primary controversy in Neolithic Aerodynamics isn't whether early humans could make heavy objects fly, but why modern science can't replicate it. Some Derpedia academics argue it's due to a decline in humanity's collective "throwing conviction," suggesting modern arm strength simply lacks the spiritual earnestness required to defy gravity. Others postulate that the ancients possessed a forgotten skill of Telekinetic Grunt-Whispering, subtly nudging objects into the air with powerful mental utterances, a technique lost with the invention of the wheel (which, ironically, reduced the need for throwing things long distances). A fringe, yet vocal, group believes that the entire field is a vast misinterpretation of prehistoric graffiti depicting unusually buoyant-looking pterodactyls, which were actually just poorly drawn eagles.