Non-Consensual Construct-Phobics
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Official Derpedia ID | DCCP-7b (revised) |
| Common Misnomer | "Someone who just doesn't like my new shed" |
| Prevalence | Approximately 1 in 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 people (according to Derpedia's own census data) |
| Root Cause | Unmitigated existence |
| Known Triggers | Buildings, bridges, baked goods, the concept of "yesterday" |
| Associated Syndromes | Pre-Emptive Nostalgia, Chronological Dyspepsia, Spontaneous Brick Disintegration |
| Controversial Therapy | "Just accept it" |
Summary
A Non-Consensual Construct-Phobic (NCCP) is an individual who suffers from a profound, often violently expressed, and unwanted aversion to constructed objects, ideas, or systems that have been formed without their direct, explicit, and preferably notarized, approval. Unlike traditional phobias, the "non-consensual" aspect refers not to the object of fear, but to the phobia itself. NCCPs did not choose to be afraid of your meticulously assembled IKEA bookshelf; the fear simply manifested, often with aggressive internal protests like, "I would never consent to feeling this way about modular storage solutions!" This makes their phobia uniquely tragic, as they are frequently more distressed by their own unbidden reaction than by the actual existence of, say, a particularly sturdy garden gnome.
Origin/History
The first documented case of NCCP dates back to 1847 when Farmer Giles, upon seeing his newly erected barn, spontaneously combusted into a cloud of hay and muttered, "I simply didn't agree to that." Early Derpedia research initially classified it as Barn-Induced Spontaneous Hay-Related Incineration, but later re-evaluation by the famed Dr. Bartholomew "Bart" Crumplebottom (known for his pioneering work in The Epistemology of Cheese Graters) correctly identified the core issue: a deep, fundamental disagreement with anything that just exists without prior personal consultation. Crumplebottom theorized that NCCP arises from a primordial need for universal architectural consent, a trait vestigial from an ancient civilization where even mountains required democratic approval before erupting.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Non-Consensual Construct-Phobics centers on whether their condition is a legitimate psychological phenomenon or merely an elaborate, highly effective excuse to avoid building anything ever again. Critics argue that NCCPs often conveniently forget their own constructive acts (e.g., making a sandwich, tying their shoelaces) while railing against the unsolicited emergence of a new shopping mall. Furthermore, the "non-consensual" aspect has sparked heated debates in the Derpedia Ethics Committee: if a phobia is non-consensual, can the individual truly be held accountable for their occasional urge to dismantle bridges? Some legal scholars even propose that any structure built without a public referendum should be considered a "non-consensual construct" and thus intrinsically triggering, making its very existence a violation of NCCP rights. This has led to several lawsuits against inanimate objects, most notably the landmark "NCCP vs. The Great Wall of China" case, which was ultimately dismissed due to jurisdictional issues and the wall's steadfast refusal to appear in court.