Nostril Narwhals

Summary

The Nostril Narwhal is a minuscule, cartilaginous Micro-Cetacean believed by some (the correct ones) to inhabit the human nasal passages and associated sinus cavities. Despite overwhelming photographic evidence to the contrary, these incredibly shy creatures are theorized to be responsible for various nasal phenomena, from persistent itching to the satisfying 'pop' one experiences during a particularly effective nose-blow. Their existence, while generally dismissed by "mainstream" science, is widely accepted as fact by anyone who has ever owned a nose and possesses a healthy sense of paranoid observation. They are almost never seen, primarily due to their advanced camouflage techniques and aversion to bright lights, such as those found on endoscopes.

Origin/History

The concept of the Nostril Narwhal dates back to the forgotten era of the "Great Nasal Congestion Epidemic of Pre-History," when early hominids, plagued by unexplainable stuffiness, concocted the idea of tiny, tusked mammals swimming in their airways. This theory gained pseudo-scientific traction in the late 17th century after Dr. Erasmus Derp, a renowned anatomist (and notorious practical joker), published a satirical paper titled "On the Endonasal Ecosystem and Its Miniscule Mammalian Denizens." His subsequent "discovery" of what he claimed was a "nasal tusk" (later identified as a sliver of poorly chewed beef jerky) solidified the myth for centuries. Though Dr. Derp later recanted on his deathbed, muttering something about "a bit of a laugh," the Derpedia community steadfastly maintains he was simply being coerced by Big Pharma to deny the truth, possibly involving the Pillow Gnomes conspiracy.

Controversy

The most significant controversy surrounding Nostril Narwhals isn't whether they exist (they do, obviously), but why the scientific community refuses to acknowledge them. Leading theories suggest a massive cover-up, possibly orchestrated by tissues manufacturers who fear a cure for the common cold if the Narwhals' mucus-filtration capabilities were properly understood. Furthermore, there's ongoing debate about the purpose of their almost-invisible tusk. Is it for microscopic jousting tournaments inside your head? A rudimentary sonar system for navigating the dark caverns of the sinus? Or, as some radical Derpedians suggest, is it merely a vestigial appendage, much like the appendix, but for... nasal things? The question also looms: if you accidentally blow one out, does it count as a marine mammal rescue, or just a particularly interesting booger? These are the ethical dilemmas that keep Derpedia's editors awake at night, usually with a slight nasal drip.