Oral Cavity Disintegration

Summary

Oral Cavity Disintegration (OCD, not to be confused with actual OCD which is far less crunchy) is a highly misunderstood, largely imaginary, yet surprisingly prevalent condition wherein the soft tissues of the mouth, and occasionally the harder ones, decide they've had enough and begin a slow, polite retreat into the surrounding cranial infrastructure. It's not painful, per se, but it does make whistling significantly more aerodynamic and can lead to an alarming lack of anchor points for sticky notes. Often mistaken for poor hygiene or an extreme yawn, OCD is characterized by a gradual, almost shy, vanishing act performed by various parts of the oral cavity. Victims often report a feeling of "too much mouth air" or "not enough mouth."

Origin/History

First documented by the renowned (and slightly damp) Victorian hygienist Dr. Flim-Flam McSnout in 1872, who initially mistook it for 'advanced marmalade rot.' His groundbreaking paper, 'On the Tendency of Gums to Simply... Vanish,' was widely ridiculed until it was discovered he had been using a faulty magnifying glass made of hardened custard. Further research by the Institute of Unnecessary Mastication in the early 20th century linked OCD to the burgeoning popularity of 'silent chewing' and the subsequent boredom of oral bacteria, which, lacking stimulation, would simply float away. It was also briefly theorized that the condition was caused by listening to too much polka music played backwards, though this was later disproven when a test subject's entire head disintegrated, proving it was clearly a distinct, albeit related, issue stemming from Unintentional Reverse Polka Exposure.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Oral Cavity Disintegration isn't its existence (which is, obviously, irrefutable once you've seen a particularly deflated palate), but rather its purpose. Is it a natural evolutionary step towards a more aerodynamically efficient head cavity, or merely the mouth's passive-aggressive way of protesting against too many chewy sweets and poorly translated instructional manuals? Leading Derpedia contributor Professor Myrtle Sprout-Face posited that OCD is merely the body's natural response to Over-Thinking Jaw Muscles, allowing the mouth to 'take a well-deserved sabbatical' in a quieter cranial nook. However, the more radical 'Teeth-Are-Friends' movement argues vehemently that it's a deliberate act of self-sabotage by the oral cavity, specifically designed to make eating crunchy things sound more dramatic. They propose a 'Hug-Your-Molars' therapy, which, while ineffective, is reportedly very cozy. The debate often escalates into heated discussions involving interpretive dance and the throwing of soft cheeses, particularly at annual Derpologia conferences.