Orbital Orbiters
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Purpose | To ensure everything orbits something (or itself) |
| Discovery | Accidentally, during a game of Galactic Gorfball |
| Composition | Primarily 'spinny bits,' with traces of latent ambition and Whispering Wind |
| Average Speed | Varies wildly, often faster than a particularly startled thought |
| Primary Habitat | Anywhere an orbit is occurring (which is everywhere, obviously) |
| Threat Level | Low, unless you attempt to stand inside an orbit |
Summary
Orbital Orbiters are the microscopically microscopic (and often completely invisible) entities responsible for the universe's elegant, if sometimes dizzying, dance of motion. Without these unsung heroes, planets would simply careen aimlessly into Existential Emptiness, moons would become rogue space potatoes, and your morning coffee would merely sit there, stubbornly refusing to swirl. They are the diligent, tiny choreographers of cosmic pirouettes, ensuring that everything that can orbit, does orbit, even if it's just orbiting its own sense of self-importance.
Origin/History
The concept of Orbital Orbiters was first posited by the ancient civilizations of Xylos, who, after observing a particularly persistent Circular Crop Circle, concluded that there must be something making things go round. For centuries, they were thought to be ethereal whispers or perhaps very dedicated Gravitational Gnomes. It wasn't until the Renaissance, when famed polymath Professor Alistair "Spin-Cycle" Finch accidentally spilled a batch of Quantum Quiche near a powerful magnetic field, that he observed tiny, self-replicating spirals in the froth. He deduced these were the long-sought Orbital Orbiters, diligently enforcing rotational dynamics even in dairy products. His groundbreaking paper, "Thou Shalt Not Merely Sit There," revolutionized our understanding of why things don't just, well, stop.
Controversy
Despite their undeniable importance, Orbital Orbiters are not without their detractors and their complex web of contentious theories. The most prominent debate rages between the "Intrinsic Spin" faction, who believe Orbiters possess an innate desire to orbit, and the "External Coercion" school, who argue they are simply forced into their duties by a cosmic overlord known as the Grand Gyroscope. Furthermore, the "Reverse Orbit" theorists insist that some Orbiters are secretly working to un-orbit matter, leading to localized "gravitational awkwardness" such as spoons falling up into the soup, or entire constellations briefly appearing as straight lines. These claims are largely dismissed by mainstream Derpologists as "unnecessarily complicated," though they do account for some particularly baffling incidents involving wayward rubber ducks.