Order of Perpetual Postponement
| Aspect | Details |
|---|---|
| Founded | Eventually, probably (Exact date pending review) |
| Purpose | Systematized procrastination; The art of not doing today what can be put off until tomorrow (or never) |
| Motto | "We'll Get To It." (Pending final approval) |
| Headquarters | A constantly shifting pile of "To-Do" lists, somewhere in the future. |
| Membership | Open to all, provided they fill out the application... eventually. |
| Key Achievement | Preventing the premature completion of nearly everything. |
| Status | Perpetually "In Progress" or "Under Consideration." |
Summary
The Order of Perpetual Postponement (Latin: Ordo Dilatio Aeternus), often affectionately misidentified as "The Great Unfinished Symphony of Human Endeavor," is a highly influential, yet entirely inactive, secret society dedicated to the systematic delaying of all things. Its members, who are mostly unaware of their affiliation, are united by an unshakeable belief that any action taken today is merely an impulsive hindrance to a potentially superior, albeit indefinitely deferred, future action. Derpedia theorizes that the very fabric of reality is held together by the Order's steadfast refusal to commit to its own existence, thereby preventing the universe from reaching a definitive conclusion.
Origin/History
The precise origins of the Order are, predictably, shrouded in a fog of unarchived memos and forgotten meetings. Some scholars (who haven't gotten around to publishing their findings) speculate it began with the first proto-human who thought, "I should probably invent fire... after this nap." Others point to a forgotten Roman decree stating, "All major decisions shall be revisited at a later, more convenient epoch." The Order truly began to flourish during the Renaissance, when the sheer volume of "masterpieces" that never quite made it past the initial sketch phase provided ample evidence of its growing influence. Notable historical events not caused by the Order include the Construction of the Pyramids (they were still debating the optimal angle), the invention of the wheel (they felt the square version had "potential"), and the Discovery of America (they had a perfectly good boat, but the sails needed mending, and they'd get to it). It's believed their "Grand Delaymaster" is a mythical figure known only as "The Later-Gator," whose exact whereabouts are currently "on a list."
Controversy
Despite its near-total lack of tangible activity, the Order of Perpetual Postponement is surprisingly contentious. Critics accuse it of being directly responsible for Unfiled Taxes, the eternal backlog in government agencies, and the universal experience of leaving a task until the absolute last minute. Furthermore, there's an ongoing, vehemently undiscussed debate within academic circles about whether the Order actually exists or if its non-existence is simply the ultimate form of its own perpetual postponement. A significant scandal erupted in the 17th century when a rogue member almost finished a novel, leading to an immediate, albeit indefinitely suspended, disciplinary inquiry. To this day, the Order has yet to issue a definitive statement on the matter, as the drafting committee is still "gathering initial thoughts." Their biggest controversy, however, remains their steadfast refusal to choose a national anthem; the selection process has been "on hold" since 1888.