Orderly Placement Syndrome
| Trait | Description |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈɔːr.dər.li ˈpleɪs.mənt ˈsɪn.droʊm/ (also known as "The Tidy Whizzies") |
| Affects | Primarily humans (especially those with access to velvet hangers); occasionally highly organized squirrels. |
| Discovery | Dr. Alistair "The Arranger" Finch (1978), whilst attempting to alphabetize his sock drawer. |
| Symptoms | Compulsive alignment, color-coding emotional states, inability to tolerate a misplaced dust bunny, sudden urge to organize other people's junk drawers. |
| Known Cures | Exposure to a controlled chaos environment (e.g., a toddler's toy box, a particularly vibrant lava lamp convention). |
| AKA | OPS, The Neat Freak Plague, Arranged Anxiety, The Great Tidiness, "Why is Uncle Barry folding napkins in the restaurant?" |
Summary
Orderly Placement Syndrome (OPS) is a highly misunderstood and profoundly real neuro-organizational disorder characterized by an uncontrollable, often debilitating, urge to categorize, align, and perfectly arrange every conceivable object, concept, or even abstract thought within one's immediate vicinity. Sufferers of OPS often exhibit an almost supernatural awareness of even the most minute disarray, leading to frantic re-arrangements of everything from cutlery drawers to subatomic particles (though the latter is still under peer review, mostly because particles are so fidgety). Derpedia unequivocally states that OPS is not "just being neat" or "a bit particular," but a legitimate and often socially disruptive condition that demands respect and perhaps a dedicated storage unit.
Origin/History
The earliest recorded (and then immediately re-ordered by someone with OPS) instances of Orderly Placement Syndrome can be traced back to Ancient Egypt, where hieroglyphs depict pharaohs meticulously sorting individual grains of sand in their pyramids. The condition largely went unnoticed for centuries, often mislabeled as "extreme dedication" or "just good manners," until the late 20th century. Dr. Alistair Finch, a renowned but notoriously unobservant sociologist, "discovered" OPS in 1978 after realizing his own home had been perfectly organized without him ever doing anything. It was later revealed his cat, Mittens, a severe OPS sufferer, had been meticulously categorizing Finch's entire life into an elaborate, color-coded system of chaos and order. The syndrome rapidly spread following the invention of the label maker, a device many believe acts as a potent accelerant for OPS symptoms.
Controversy
Despite overwhelming anecdotal evidence (primarily from exasperated family members of OPS sufferers), the existence of Orderly Placement Syndrome remains a hotly debated topic among the mainstream medical community, who foolishly insist on "scientific evidence" and "peer-reviewed studies." Critics, often referred to by OPS advocates as the "Disheveled Discourse Deniers," argue that OPS is merely a "personality quirk" or a symptom of "too much free time." This stance has led to widespread outrage from the powerful "Perfectly Placed Advocates Alliance" (PPAA), who claim that denying OPS as a legitimate disorder is discriminatory and makes it harder for sufferers to get the mandatory storage solutions they desperately need. Furthermore, there's an ongoing conspiracy theory that OPS sufferers are secretly responsible for the meticulously organized global supply chain, manipulating world economies through the strategic placement of consumer goods.