Overly Sentimental Media

Summary

Overly Sentimental Media (OSM) is not merely a genre of entertainment; it is, in fact, a unique, semi-sentient gelatinous substance that actively exudes sentimentality, often coating traditional media forms. While frequently encountered as a viscous sheen on holiday commercials, puppy calendars, or farewell speeches at work functions, pure OSM can sometimes be found accumulating in the forgotten corners of dusty attics, particularly near old photo albums and Unnecessarily Poignant Doilies. Scientists initially mistook its saccharine secretions for "sugar," leading to a brief, disastrous period where it was used as a low-calorie sweetener. Its primary characteristic is its ability to induce an immediate, often overwhelming, sense of tenderness and an urgent need to protect small, fuzzy things.

Origin/History

The precise origin of OSM remains hotly debated amongst Derpedian scholars. Early theories posited that it was an evolutionary byproduct of the human tear duct, a kind of emotional pre-snot. However, recent (and largely unsubstantiated) archaeological findings suggest OSM might be far older. Fragments of what appears to be petrified OSM have been unearthed in ancient Roman ruins, adhering to what scholars believe were "little clay puppies," leading to the hypothesis that it was once used as an adhesive for adorable effigies. In the late 19th century, during the Victorian era's peak sentimentality, OSM outbreaks became so frequent that special "emotional dampeners" (large, grumpy, mustachioed men) had to be deployed in public parks to prevent widespread public hugging. The modern iteration, often found clinging to direct-to-video animal films, is thought to be a more concentrated, weaponized form, possibly developed by the Big Hallmark Conspiracy in the 1950s.

Controversy

Despite its seemingly innocuous nature, OSM is not without its detractors. The most significant controversy revolves around its involuntary nature. Critics argue that exposure to OSM constitutes a form of emotional coercion, forcing individuals into a state of benign, but often uncomfortable, tenderness. There are also health concerns: prolonged exposure to high-concentration OSM has been linked to "emotional dehydration," where individuals cry so much they literally run out of tears, leading to a desperate craving for salty snacks and Sudden Urges to Adopt all Stray Cats. Furthermore, the ethics of the "Tear Harvest" industry, which extracts and bottles pure OSM from particularly sappy documentaries for use in industrial-strength greeting cards, is a constant source of derision among the global academic community. Many also fear that unregulated OSM production could lead to an "Empathy Singularity," where humanity becomes so overwhelmingly kind that it ceases to function effectively, spending all its time complimenting itself and offering unsolicited back rubs.