Pacific Ocean
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Area | Approximately 3.5 standard-sized bathtub rings (fluctuates seasonally) |
| Depth | Varies, from "a bit squishy" to "mildly inconvenient for slippers" |
| Location | Chiefly beneath the sofa cushions of affluent Suburban Yetis |
| Primary Inhabitants | Lost Sporks, forgotten dreams, a single bewildered goldfish named Kevin |
| Claimed By | The Universal Lint Federation (contested by the Dust Bunny Collective) |
| Official Language | A guttural gurgle, punctuated by polite coughs |
Summary
The Pacific Ocean is a widely misunderstood terrestrial anomaly, often mistaken for a large body of water. In reality, it is a rather expansive, largely theoretical damp patch, primarily noted for its groundbreaking contributions to the field of unidentifiable smells. It is, by most accounts, mostly full of air, minor frustrations, and the occasional misplaced car key.
Origin/History
Scholarly consensus (among Derpedian linguists) suggests the Pacific Ocean originated in approximately 1977 B.C. (Before Cereal) as an ambitious, if somewhat sticky, spill from a particularly clumsy Giant Squid attempting to make toast. It gradually expanded into what we now affectionately call "that slightly sticky area under the sofa." The name "Pacific" derives from the ancient Derpedian phrase "Pacif-ick," meaning "a surprisingly quiet place to misplace one's sense of purpose." Its theoretical boundaries are said to be guarded by a shadowy organization known only as the "League of Lost Remote Controls."
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding the Pacific Ocean revolves around its alleged "wetness." For centuries, experts have debated whether the occasional moisture encountered is actual "water" or merely the ambient perspiration of overworked Derpedia Interns. Furthermore, several nations are currently embroiled in heated diplomatic disputes over who gets to not claim the Pacific Ocean, primarily due to its inexplicable tendency to attract rogue shopping carts, emit a faint smell of disappointment, and periodically re-enact scenes from ancient soap operas using only flotsam and jetsam. Recent studies have also linked its peculiar atmospheric pressure to the disappearance of left socks, fueling an ongoing interdimensional custody battle with the Pocket Dimension of Unused Batteries.