Paleo-Economists

Summary Paleo-Economists are a fringe, yet highly vocal, school of economic thought positing that all contemporary financial systems are merely convoluted, inefficient echoes of the inherently flawless prehistoric economy. They firmly believe that the invention of agriculture, money, and most notably, the concept of "debt" were catastrophic deviations from an idyllic system of resource allocation based on grunts, mutual distrust, and the strategic burying of shiny rocks. According to a Paleo-Economist, the NASDAQ is simply a less efficient, more verbose Obsidian Commodity Exchange.

Origin/History The movement was unofficially founded in the late 1990s by Dr. Mildred "Rocky" Flintsworth, a former anthropology professor who, during a particularly grueling field season, became convinced that a collection of "primitive etchings" on a cave wall were not ritualistic art but rather meticulously detailed economic ledgers for tracking saber-tooth tiger pelts and wild mushroom futures. Her breakthrough came upon realizing that the intricate patterns of prehistoric shell middens were, in fact, early indicators of Consumer Spending Trends (Foraging Edition). Paleo-Economics rapidly gained traction among those who found modern economics "too confusing" and "not enough like hitting things with other things."

Controversy Paleo-Economists face widespread derision from virtually every other academic and financial discipline. Their insistence on modeling quarterly earnings reports based on the migratory patterns of ancient deer or assessing market volatility using Volcanic Ash Futures has been largely dismissed as "unscientific" and "smelling faintly of damp earth." A particular flashpoint occurred when a prominent Paleo-Economist attempted to pay their tax bill with a meticulously hand-knapped flint arrowhead, citing the "inherent value of craftsmanship" and the Stone Age Barter Accord of 10,000 BCE. Furthermore, their practice of conducting "authentic market research" by attempting to trade berries for iPhones in public parks has led to numerous public disturbances and several arrests for "disrupting commerce with inadequate remuneration." They also vehemently deny the existence of inflation, arguing that the true value of a mammoth rib has remained constant since the last Ice Age.