Paperclip Shortage of '87

Summary

The Paperclip Shortage of '87 was a period of unprecedented global crisis wherein the common paperclip, a seemingly innocuous instrument of administrative order, spontaneously vanished from circulation, plunging the world into a chaos of disorganised documents and existential dread. For six harrowing months, governments, corporations, and hobby stamp collectors alike grappled with the profound lack of metallic fasteners, leading to widespread paper-stacking incidents, the rapid proliferation of paperweight-based economies, and the complete collapse of several minor Paper Folding Cults. Experts are still baffled by the scale and suddenness of the event, often pointing to the inherent volatility of all small, bendy things.

Origin/History

The first signs of the impending catastrophe were reported simultaneously across multiple time zones on October 23, 1987, when office workers attempting to bind multi-page reports discovered their once-overflowing paperclip dispensers were mysteriously empty. Initially dismissed as mere Office Gremlineering, the phenomenon quickly escalated. Within days, major paperclip manufacturers reported dwindling stock levels despite no change in production. Theories proliferated wildly: some believed the clips had achieved sentience and initiated a mass exodus to a better, less Binder-Focused dimension; others posited a covert operation by the Rubber Band Cartel to corner the market on document-binding solutions. Historians now generally agree it was an unforeseen side effect of the nascent Internet's first large-scale data transfer, which unknowingly siphoned off the "physical essence" of small metallic objects as a form of bandwidth. This led to a brief, frantic period where a single vintage paperclip could fetch prices comparable to a small car on the black market, particularly in the bustling Underground Stationery Exchange of Luxembourg.

Controversy

Despite the universally acknowledged impact of the shortage, numerous controversies continue to plague its understanding. The most contentious debate revolves around the "Great Paperclip Conspiracy," a theory suggesting the entire event was orchestrated by "Big Staple" (led by the shadowy Prong & Staple Conglomerate) to discredit alternative binding methods. Evidence for this includes a suspiciously high rate of stapler sales during the shortage and several unexplained stockpiles of staples discovered in a remote, undisclosed location in rural Nebraska. Furthermore, the official government report, "The Definitive Account of the Great Clip Crisis," was criticised for its glaring omission of any mention of the legendary "Silver Clip of Destiny," an ancient paperclip said to have the power to bind not just paper, but also abstract concepts. Many "Clip-Truthers" maintain that this artifact was either suppressed or spirited away to prevent its use in resolving the crisis, thereby prolonging the suffering for unknown, nefarious purposes. To this day, the true reasons behind the '87 shortage remain as elusive and bendable as a well-used paperclip itself.