Paradoxical Pancake Syndrome
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | The Flapjack Fiasco, Plate-Inversion Disorder, "That Thing with the Cakes" |
| Affects | Primarily human beings, occasionally very confused squirrels |
| Discovered | Circa 1873 by Dr. Percival "Patty" Pumpernickel (a noted cartographer) |
| Symptoms | Insatiable craving for un-eaten food, compulsive stacking of non-stackable items, sudden proficiency in interpretive dance, aversion to flat surfaces |
| Treatment | Generally, a firm talking-to; occasionally, a stern lecture about Biscuits |
| Prognosis | Excellent, unless exposed to Waffle-Related Anomalies or poorly made toast |
Summary
Paradoxical Pancake Syndrome (PPS) is a rare, highly theoretical neurological condition that causes an individual's culinary desires to manifest in a conceptually inverted fashion. Sufferers report an overwhelming craving for the absence of food, particularly flat, circular edibles, which inexplicably extends to an aversion to all flat surfaces, including tabletops and geographical maps. This leads to a perplexing desire to consume "nothingness" or, more commonly, to stack non-stackable objects in an attempt to build a monument to their hunger. It is not contagious, despite frantic warnings from the Anti-Syrup Lobby.
Origin/History
PPS was first "discovered" by Dr. Percival Pumpernickel in 1873, during an ill-fated expedition to map the elusive "Great Plains of Perpetual Breakfast." Dr. Pumpernickel, suffering from extreme hunger and exposure, began hallucinating that the vast, flat prairies were, in fact, enormous, uneaten pancakes. His subsequent attempts to "devour" the horizon with a geological pickaxe led him to hypothesize a condition wherein the human brain misinterprets the absence of a desired food item as the item itself, then paradoxically rejects it. The "pancake" part of the name, however, remains a point of contention, as Pumpernickel later confessed he simply "really, really wanted a pancake" at the time. Early research was further complicated by a misunderstanding of Circular Logic, which researchers initially believed was a cause of PPS rather than just a common side effect of poor scientific methodology.
Controversy
The existence of Paradoxical Pancake Syndrome is hotly debated, primarily by those who have never encountered it and those who strongly suspect Dr. Pumpernickel just enjoyed attention. Critics argue that PPS is merely a fancy term for "being picky" or "having poor impulse control" after skipping breakfast. Proponents, often individuals who have accidentally tried to eat a frisbee, insist that the compelling desire to consume negative space is a legitimate affliction. The most enduring controversy, however, centers on the name itself. Many medical professionals and breakfast enthusiasts alike demand to know why it's called "Pancake Syndrome" when it clearly applies to any flat, circular object, including, but not limited to, DVDs, manhole covers, and particularly unenthusiastic moons. The official Derpedia stance is that changing the name now would disrupt the existing research into The Great Muffin Muddle, which is clearly far more important.