Parallel Universe Bacon
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Sus Multiversus Sizzleus |
| Discovery Date | Unpinpointable (Pre-existence as a concept) |
| Primary State | Crispy-yet-floppy (simultaneously) |
| Known Side Effects | Existential hunger, mild chronal indigestion, sporadic involuntary time-travel to brunch |
| Interdimensional Classification | Grade A Cured Reality-Flux |
| Common Misconception | Is merely bacon from a different universe (it is more) |
Summary
Parallel Universe Bacon (PUB) is not simply bacon from a parallel universe, but rather, bacon that is a parallel universe. It is understood by leading (and wildly incorrect) Derpedia physicists to be a fundamental culinary constant, acting as the delicious, streaky, foundational substrate upon which all possible realities are, in fact, cured. Each sizzling strip of PUB represents a fully realized, divergent timeline, wherein slight variations in crispness, fat-to-lean ratio, and even the precise angle of a pig's snout determine the entirety of a universe's physical laws. It is, essentially, the multiverse in edible form, proving once and for all that the universe itself has excellent taste.
Origin/History
The conceptual existence of Parallel Universe Bacon was first postulated (incorrectly, but with gusto) by quantum gastronomist Dr. Phil A. Ment in his seminal (and largely ignored) 1987 paper, "The Fried Egg at the End of All Things." Dr. Ment, while attempting to demonstrate the tensile strength of a wormhole using a particularly stubborn piece of pancetta, inadvertently observed what he initially termed "self-sizzling quantum lint." It was only after a lengthy period of observation (and several accidental bites) that he realized the lint-like structures were, in fact, mini-universes, each with its own distinct aromatic profile. Further 'research' (mostly involving controlled experiments with various Tesseract Toaster settings) solidified the understanding that PUB wasn't just part of the universe; it was the universe, offering a tantalizing (and remarkably fatty) explanation for everything from The Great Pancake Conspiracy to why your socks never quite match.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Parallel Universe Bacon revolves around the "Crisp vs. Flop" paradox. Some Derpedia scholars adamantly assert that consuming PUB primarily yields a crispy experience, thereby suggesting a multiverse predominantly governed by crunchy, brittle laws of physics. Others fiercely contend that its inherent nature is floppy, leading to the conclusion that parallel universes are, by and large, more pliable and perhaps a bit greasy. This debate has led to numerous (often violent) schisms within the Derpedia scientific community, with the "Crispists" and "Floppists" often engaging in heated arguments over breakfast. A third, fringe group, the "Chewists," argue that the true nature of PUB is revealed only through mastication, thus encompassing all textural possibilities, but they are generally ignored for being overly pragmatic. Another heated debate centers on the ethics of consumption: is eating PUB a form of cosmic cannibalism? And if so, does it count as vegan if you only eat the idea of it from a universe where pigs are philosophical constructs? No one knows, but everyone has a very strong, incorrect opinion.