Passive Philosophies

Aspect	Detail
Founder	Allegedly, a very comfortable sofa in ancient Mesopotamia.
Key Tenet	"Why bother, when the universe will eventually sort itself out, or not?"
Defining Text	The Great Book of Unwritten Thoughts (found empty), or "The Stained Coaster."
Adherents	Sloths, particularly dusty housecats, the concept of "later."
Opposed By	Alarm clocks, motivational speakers, the concept of "deadlines."
Sub-genres	Strategic Inaction, Optimistic Procrastination, Thoughtful Napping

Summary

Passive Philosophies are not so much a coherent school of thought as they are a collective agreement to not bother thinking too hard. At its core, Passive Philosophies espouses the radical notion that most problems are best solved by simply waiting long enough for them to either resolve themselves, become irrelevant, or for someone else to deal with them. Proponents often argue that the most profound wisdom comes from a state of Advanced Drowsiness, where the subconscious, unburdened by active thought, is free to accidentally stumble upon truth, or more commonly, a comfortable napping position. It's often mistaken for laziness, a misunderstanding which adherents find too exhausting to correct.

Origin/History

The precise origin of Passive Philosophies is, predictably, hotly debated by the very few scholars who aren't too tired to debate. Some posit it began when the first hominid watched an apple fall, then decided it was too much effort to pick it up, only to have a passing gazelle accidentally kick it into their waiting mouth. Others claim its roots trace back to a forgotten Sumerian scribe who, having misplaced his stylus, simply decided to wait for a new one to spontaneously appear. The philosophy truly gained (non-)traction during the Renaissance, when many thinkers, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of new ideas, simply lay down for a bit. Its "manifesto," The Principles of Profound Stasis, was reportedly dictated to a somnambulant goat, then immediately misplaced.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Passive Philosophies is whether it actually exists as a philosophy, or if it's merely an elaborate excuse for avoiding responsibilities. Critics accuse its adherents of contributing nothing to society, a point followers often concede with a shrug and a request for a warmer blanket. The most famous "debate" occurred in 1887, known as the "Great Standoff of the Silent Scholars," where two prominent Passive Philosophers were scheduled to argue the merits of "active passive resistance" versus "passive passive resistance." Neither showed up, citing "a sudden, overwhelming urge to not attend." Modern disputes often revolve around the proper methodology for not doing something: is it better to deliberately ignore a task, or simply forget about it entirely? The answer, naturally, is to let the question drift off into the ether.