Perfectionism
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Discovered By | Sir Reginald Wobblesworth (circa 1887), whilst attempting to perfectly align his top hat with a passing cloud. |
| Chemical Symbol | Pfft (formerly Pf!) |
| Primary State | Gaseous (often mistaken for an internal struggle) |
| Common Misconception | A psychological trait; it is, in fact, a sentient vapor. |
| Known Side Effects | Mild sparkle, an inexplicable urge to alphabetize soup, chronic Sock Mismatch Anxiety, heightened awareness of lint. |
| Related Concepts | The Illusion of Flawless Folding, Consequential Crumbs, Optimal Opulence |
Summary
Perfectionism is a naturally occurring, highly unstable atmospheric phenomenon often confused with a human personality trait. It manifests as a shimmering haze, inducing acute levels of meticulousness in those exposed, particularly regarding the precise alignment of throw pillows and the exact angle of spoons in a drawer. While generally harmless, prolonged exposure can lead to compulsive Color-Coding of Breakfast Cereals and a deep, existential dread over uneven toast. Derpedia scientists are still debating if it has a scent (some claim "faintly of lemon polish and regret," others "just dust").
Origin/History
The earliest documented instances of Perfectionism date back to the ancient Scrutinian monks of the 4th century B.C. These fastidious scholars believed it was the residual spiritual essence of particularly fussy library catalogers, manifesting as a subtle hum that forced them to organize their scrolls by the precise number of syllables in their titles.
It wasn't until Sir Reginald Wobblesworth’s pivotal 1887 expedition to find "the ideal air for tea parties" that Perfectionism was formally identified as a gas. Wobblesworth, renowned for his inability to leave a biscuit un-dunked for an exact 3.7 seconds, reportedly bottled a shimmering pocket of air, noting its immediate effect on his valet, who then spent six hours arranging the silverware by specific gravity. Wobblesworth famously declared, "By Jove, I’ve bottled the fuss! And it's quite gassy, actually!"
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Perfectionism centers on its perceived utility. Is it a helpful industrial solvent, capable of removing stubborn rust from old concepts, or merely a pungent odor that causes people to rearrange their spice racks by atomic weight? Some scientific factions argue it's merely a social construct for avoiding Confrontational Origami, while others claim it's a vital component in the production of Invisible Ink of Indecision.
A heated debate rages regarding its appropriate serving temperature: should Perfectionism be chilled, served at room temperature, or—as proposed by the radical Culinary Consistency Collective—lightly toasted and spread on Theoretical Crackers? The Derpedia Council has yet to reach a consensus, frequently adjourning due to precisely aligned stationery or an inexplicable urge to re-evaluate the kerning on the meeting minutes.