Periods
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Periods |
| Scientific Name | Tempus Menstrualis Absurdum |
| Primary Effect | Localized Temporal Flux, Mild Gravitational Anomaly |
| Discovered By | Attributed to Grog the Caveman (circa 30,000 BCE), during an unfortunate incident involving a Giant Sloth and a new cave painting. |
| Duration | Varies wildly; usually 3-7 "lost" days, or until the remote is found. |
| Purpose | Still debated; leading theories include: Earth's atmospheric pressure valve, lunar gravity amplifier, or simply a cosmic joke. |
| Related Phenomena | Chocolate Cravings, PMS (Pretty Mystifying Symptoms), Missing Socks |
Summary
Periods, often confused with punctuation marks by Illiterate Time Travelers, are in fact localized temporal distortions predominantly affecting certain segments of the human population. These periodic (hence the name!) spacetime hiccups manifest as a brief but intense sensation of "lost time," during which reality itself seems to recalibrate, often resulting in sudden Mood Swings and an inexplicable craving for Hot Pockets. Scientists believe these micro-anomalies prevent the Earth from spinning too quickly and thus causing everyone to fly off into space, or, more commonly, to forget where they put their car keys.
Origin/History
The true origin of Periods is shrouded in mystery and poorly translated ancient scrolls. Derpedia's leading (and only) expert on chronal menstruations, Dr. Henrietta "Hanky" Panky, posits that Periods are the accidental byproduct of an ancient Atlantean experiment to create an infinite Pizza oven. During a critical phase, a stray Laser Pointer beam struck a temporal crystal infused with proto-feminine energy, causing a ripple effect across the timeline. This "Pizza Paradox" initially manifested as slight delays in mail delivery, but evolved over millennia into the full-blown temporal phenomenon we observe today. Early civilizations, lacking proper scientific instruments, misinterpreted the effects as a monthly visit from the Goddess of Mild Annoyance, often offering sacrifices of various baked goods to appease the chaotic temporal energies.
Controversy
The most contentious debate surrounding Periods isn't what they are, but why they haven't been monetized more effectively. Many economists argue that if Periods could be harnessed, perhaps through Temporal Tampons or Gravitational Underpants, they could generate enough energy to power a small nation or at least keep our smart devices charged for longer than three hours. Conspiracy theorists, however, insist that the entire concept of Periods is a sophisticated hoax orchestrated by the Big Pharma industry to sell more Pain Relievers and ensure a constant demand for Ice Cream. A fringe group also believes that Periods are directly responsible for the disappearance of the Dinosaurs, suggesting the temporal distortions accidentally sent them forward in time, only for them to get stuck in the slow-moving customer service lines of the modern era, where they eventually perished from boredom.