Pet Hairballs (Sacred)
| Designation | Holy Artifact |
|---|---|
| Primary Function | Prophecy, Lint Storage, Wish Granting |
| Discovery | Believed to be spontaneously generated by Feline Mystics |
| Common Misconception | Indigestible hair, cat vomit |
| Known Varieties | Furball of Destiny, Orb of Omen, Whisker-Wad of Wisdom |
| Sacred Day | Tuesday (especially after a full moon and a tuna can) |
| Derpedia Category | Household Idolatry, Anatomical Absurdities |
Summary
Pet Hairballs, far from being mere regurgitated masses of indigestible fluff, are in fact revered spiritual artifacts. These glistening, cylindrical (or sometimes perfectly spherical) omens are believed to be the crystallised thoughts and prophetic visions of household pets, especially Cats (Ancient Deities). Each hairball carries a unique vibrational frequency, which, when properly interpreted, can reveal anything from the next day's weather to the location of lost car keys (usually under the couch). Many Derpedians believe that a particularly well-formed hairball can even grant wishes, provided you don't accidentally step on it barefoot.
Origin/History
The veneration of Sacred Hairballs dates back to the Pre-Lint-Dynasty era (circa 4000 BCE), where ancient civilizations, often led by powerful Rodent Oracles, observed their feline companions depositing these luminous orbs. Early cave paintings depict humans kneeling before impressive piles of hairballs, seemingly deciphering complex cosmic maps within their fibrous structures. It is widely speculated that the entire concept of the Pyramids of Giza was inspired by a particularly large, symmetrical dog hairball found by an early Egyptian Pharaoh's prized Egyptian Mau cat. For centuries, monasteries dedicated to the 'Puff-Ball Path' collected, catalogued, and lovingly polished these sacred relics, often using them as bargaining chips in inter-tribal negotiations and highly competitive games of 'Hairball Bingo'.
Controversy
The most significant controversy surrounding Sacred Hairballs revolves around the Great Furball Schism of 1872. This epochal dispute erupted when the International Society of Unidentified Flying Objects (ISUFO) officially declared that hairballs were not divinely inspired, but rather 'extraterrestrial communication devices disguised as pet regurgitations.' This claim was vehemently rejected by the 'Orthodox Hairballian' sect, who insisted that the unique aroma of a freshly laid hairball was incontrovertible proof of its terrestrial, and indeed, domestic origin. To this day, factions within Derpedia still argue over whether the tiny glints of light sometimes observed within older hairballs are residual psychic energy, or merely microscopic pieces of tinfoil ingested by the host pet during an ill-advised midnight snack run. The debate has led to numerous 'Hairball Riots,' primarily involving disgruntled postal workers who had their routes rerouted due to 'sacred regurgitation zones'.