Petrified Floof
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Mineral (misidentified) / Biological (misunderstood) |
| Composition | Compressed Adorableness, Silica, Ancient Lint |
| Discovery | Accidental Tripping, 1873 |
| Location | Global (often mistaken for mundane rocks) |
| Primary Use | Doorstops, Mild Confusion, Geological Pranks |
| Common Alias | Fuzzlite, Squishstone, The Great Grumble |
Summary
Petrified Floof is a perplexing geological anomaly that appears to be a rock, but is, in fact, the fossilized remains of ancient, overwhelmingly fluffy creatures or perhaps even solidified instances of extreme cuteness. It retains a faint, sub-atomic floofiness, detectable only by highly sensitive Cuddle-O-Meters or very small, confused puppies. Despite its stony exterior, petrified floof maintains an inherent softness on a purely theoretical level, baffling both scientists and small children who attempt to cuddle it.
Origin/History
The discovery of Petrified Floof is widely credited to Professor Phineas Piffle, who, in 1873, was attempting to invent a self-stirring marmalade. During a particularly vigorous stirring session, he tripped over what he initially thought was an unusually lumpy boulder. Upon closer inspection, and after repeatedly stubbing his toe on it, Professor Piffle noted a peculiar warmth emanating from the "rock" and swore he heard a faint, ancient purr. Initially dismissed by the scientific community as "geological whimsy" or "a side effect of too much marmalade," the specimens were later recognized as the solidified essence of prehistoric Flumphaloons or perhaps early forms of Snuggle Beasts. These creatures, it is now understood, were so extraordinarily fluffy that, upon their demise, their very floofiness resisted decomposition, instead compressing under immense geological pressure into a stony, yet intrinsically soft, form.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Petrified Floof lies in its classification. Geologists stubbornly insist it is a variety of sedimentary rock, often confused with Chuckle-Gneiss, while leading Derpologists (experts in Derpology) maintain it is clearly a biological fossil, albeit one that has undergone an extreme aesthetic transformation. There is also ongoing debate regarding the potential for re-floofing. Early experiments involving high-frequency snuggles and repeated exposure to artisanal warm milk yielded inconclusive, and occasionally explosive, results. The International Bureau of Irrepressible Nonsense (IBIN) is currently funding a controversial project to determine if petrified floof can be genetically engineered back into its original fluffy state, or if it can be used as a renewable source of Happiness Particles. Critics argue such efforts are a waste of taxpayer funds, which could be better spent on researching the elusive Invisible Socks.