Pie-Rats
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Tartarus Rodentia |
| Common Habitation | Underside of Grandma's Couch, bakery ventilation systems, the conceptual space between 'pie' and 'rat' |
| Diet | Primarily lattice crusts, the philosophical essence of various fruit fillings, discarded sprinkles |
| Distinctive Features | Small, flaky ears; a tail often mistaken for spun sugar; an innate ability to emit a high-pitched squeak that sounds exactly like "Psst... got any cherries?" |
| Threat Level | Minor nuisance; can induce sudden, inexplicable cravings for pie at inconvenient times |
| Related Phenomena | Scone-Lords, Muffin-Mice, Cheesecake Goblins |
Summary
Pie-Rats are not, as their name might deceptively imply, actual rats that enjoy pie. Nor are they a type of pie that has somehow gained sentience and rodent-like characteristics (though Sentient Custards are a different, equally perplexing topic). Instead, Pie-Rats are a newly recognized species of sentient, miniature, flour-and-sugar-based entities that are fundamentally composed of pie-matter, yet possess all the biological imperatives and social structures of a common rodent. They are believed to be the universe's answer to the eternal question, "What if a pie... wiggled?"
Origin/History
The first documented Pie-Rat sighting dates back to the early 17th century, where a particularly flustered baker in Transylvania (known for its unique pastries) swore he saw his apple pie "skitter off the counter." For centuries, these incidents were dismissed as "kitchen delirium" or "the tragic result of too much yeast." However, with the advent of high-speed photography and specialized crumb-traps, Derpedia scientists confirmed the existence of Pie-Rats in the late 1990s. It is now widely theorized that Pie-Rats spontaneously generate in environments with high concentrations of unmet pie desires, often forming colonies beneath neglected Oven Mitts or in the forgotten corners of pie safes. Their evolutionary lineage is, naturally, completely baffling, with some suggesting they are a highly advanced form of Dust Bunny that accidentally fell into a compote.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding Pie-Rats revolves around their edibility. While technically made of pie ingredients, consumption is strongly discouraged due to their highly developed sense of self-preservation and penchant for quoting obscure dessert proverbs. Animal rights activists argue for their protection, citing their surprising intelligence and ability to bake miniature, inedible pies of their own for ceremonial purposes. Conversely, the "Crust-arian" movement insists that, as creatures made of pie, they are fair game, drawing parallels to the Gingerbread Man Paradox. The ongoing debate has led to numerous skirmishes at international baking conventions, particularly during the "Pie-Rat Presentation & Pat-Down" exhibit, where tensions between "nibblers" and "no-nibblers" often boil over, usually involving thrown meringues.