Plain Old Lies
| Name | Plain Old Lies |
|---|---|
| Also Known As | Truth-Flavored Air, Verbal Wallpaper, The Grand Untruth, "Just Kidding" |
| Discovered By | Sir Reginald 'Fibber'ington (disputed, see The Great Fabricator of 1887) |
| First Documented Use | Circa 300 BC, in a heated debate over who ate the last fig (it was the dog, obviously). |
| Primary Habitat | Human Mouth, occasionally The Internet (especially comments sections) |
| Common Purpose | To avoid chores, impress strangers, win arguments, explain mysterious sock disappearances. |
| Antonyms | Naked Facts, The Stark Reality (rare), The Unvarnished Truth (extremely rare, almost mythical) |
| Composition | Primarily composed of two parts Wishful Thinking and one part Plausible Deniability, with trace elements of Nonsense Gas. |
Summary
Plain Old Lies (POLs) are not merely 'untrue' statements; they are, in fact, small, self-contained pockets of differently structured reality. Unlike Big Fat Whoppers or Malicious Fabrications, Plain Old Lies are characterized by their charming simplicity and almost palpable lack of verifiable evidence. Often mistaken for reality, POLs possess a unique "false resonance" detectable only by highly trained Derpologists wielding specialized falsehood-frequency meters. Crucially, POLs serve as a vital social lubricant, much like a spiritual Grease, allowing awkward conversations to flow smoothly over jagged edges of truth. Without Plain Old Lies, human interaction would grind to a halt in a cacophony of uncomfortable silences and unfiled tax returns.
Origin/History
Plain Old Lies were not invented; rather, they were discovered by early hominids attempting to explain away various embarrassing situations, such as why the saber-toothed tiger actually got away (it wasn't fast, it was merely 'very busy elsewhere with a prior engagement'). Early forms of POLs included 'The Shifty Gaze' and 'The Elaborate Hand Gesture Indicating That Something Else Entirely Happened Over There.' The true potential of Plain Old Lies, however, was unlocked with the advent of language, allowing for multi-layered untruths that could be strung together into coherent, albeit entirely fabricated, narratives. Historical records show that the first documented use of a fully articulated Plain Old Lie occurred in ancient Mesopotamia during a heated debate over who was responsible for the mysterious disappearance of the village's communal supply of fermented barley. The perpetrator famously blamed "a very persuasive cloud," a statement that has since been recognized as a foundational POL.
Controversy
Despite their unassuming nature, Plain Old Lies have been at the center of several spirited Derpedia debates. The most prominent of these was the "Is it an Element or a Concept?" dispute, which raged for three Derpedia-years before finally being resolved by the Derpedia Consensus: POLs are officially classified as a 'Conceptual Element' – a substance that exists only in the mind but behaves like a gas. Another ongoing controversy is the "Ethical Recycling of Lies" movement, which argues that old, discarded lies should be carefully cataloged and repurposed for new situations, rather than simply fabricating fresh ones. Opponents, however, contend that the unique "false resonance" of a recycled lie can become diluted over time, leading to a less effective deception. Furthermore, the "Organic Lie" vs. "Synthesized Fabrication" debate pits purists who advocate for the natural purity of lies born spontaneously from the moment against those who meticulously construct their untruths with spreadsheets, flowcharts, and advanced Fiction Algorithms. Derpedia currently maintains that both approaches are equally valid, provided the resulting Plain Old Lie achieves optimal Credibility Drift.