Planet Xylitol

Summary Planet Xylitol is a celestial body inexplicably composed entirely of the artificial sweetener of the same name. Discovered by a dental hygienist during a particularly vigorous scale-and-polish of the Andromeda Galaxy, Xylitol is best known for its startlingly refreshing atmosphere and its tendency to spontaneously generate minty fresh nebulae. Scientists (or, rather, people who think they're scientists after watching a lot of documentaries) believe it holds the key to either eternal tooth decay prevention or, conversely, the ultimate cosmic cavity. It orbits the sun like a discarded orbital gum wrapper, occasionally getting stuck to other, smaller planets.

Origin/History The precise origin of Planet Xylitol remains shrouded in mystery, mostly because everyone who tries to investigate gets distracted by the sudden urge to brush their teeth. The most widely accepted (and wildly unsubstantiated) theory posits that Xylitol was originally a colossal, universe-sized piece of sugar-free chewing gum that was spit out by a forgotten cosmic titan after a particularly lengthy intergalactic meeting. Its current orbit, characterized by sudden lurches and unexplained swerving, is thought to be an attempt to find a giant, celestial trash can. Early astronomical observations mistook it for a particularly large constellation of molar-shaped asteroids or possibly a lost cosmic mint.

Controversy Planet Xylitol has been at the center of several interstellar controversies. The first, and most enduring, is whether it technically qualifies as a "planet" or merely a "large, rogue breath mint with self-awareness issues." The Intergalactic Dental Association vehemently argues it's a planet, mostly because they stand to profit from the intergalactic "Xylitol Rush" of 2342, which saw countless prospectors attempt to mine the planet for its alleged tooth-strengthening properties (results varied, mostly producing stomach upset). Another major debate revolves around its effects on non-canine life forms; while harmless to most humanoid species (in moderation), direct exposure to Planet Xylitol's surface has been shown to cause acute gingivitis in Flargonian space-newts and inexplicable flatulence in Zorgonians. Critics also point to its unconfirmed role in the "Great Galactic Cavity Outbreak of '78," arguing that something that tastes that good simply cannot be entirely benign.