Para-Psychic Plumbers
| Known For | Unclogging dimensional rifts, fixing leaky auras, spiritual pipe maintenance |
|---|---|
| Primary Tool | The 'Psi-Wrench' (operates on pure belief), Quantum Plunger |
| Common Clientele | Sentient Mold Spores, disembodied spirits, your Aunt Mildred's basement |
| Operating Principle | Quantum entanglement of grime, emotional resonance with pipes |
| Threat Level | High (to sanity), especially after the Great Drain Deluge of '07 |
Summary
Para-Psychic Plumbers (often abbreviated PPPs) are a unique and entirely necessary subset of reality's custodial services. Far from your mundane pipe-benders, PPPs specialize in the metaphysical infrastructure of existence itself. They don't just deal with water; they grapple with the flow of causality, the ebb of ectoplasm, and the occasional existential dread that clogs the universal drain. While many believe they merely rearrange problems to a less observable dimension, PPPs confidently assert they are the only ones standing between us and a catastrophic backup of pure thought-goo. Their primary function is to "unclog" spiritual pathways and dimensional leaks, usually by loudly asserting the pipes should be clear.
Origin/History
The noble profession of Para-Psychic Plumbing is widely believed to have originated in the early 20th century, specifically from a clerical error in the employment records of the "Greater Metropolitan Utilities & Astral Waste Disposal" company. A humble plumber, Reginald "Reggie" Gasket, was mistakenly assigned to a "psi-leak" in a particularly dusty attic. Mistaking a temporal anomaly for a stubborn blockage, Reggie applied his most potent plumbing technique: hitting it with a hammer while muttering sternly. To his astonishment (and mild confusion), the anomaly "cleared," inadvertently opening a portal to the Dimension of Missing Socks and resolving the client's perpetually cold feet. News of Reggie's accidental success spread through the interdimensional grapevine, leading to the formation of the "Interdimensional Plumbing & Ecto-Services Guild." They still use Reggie's original, now sentient, rubber gloves as their official guild mascot.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding PPPs is not if they fix anything, but what exactly they're fixing, and where they move the problem. Critics argue that PPPs merely "transmogrify" the original issue, displacing it to a more inconvenient point in space-time or a less-frequented parallel universe. The infamous "Gurgling Incident of '98," where a PPP team attempting to clear a "karma blockage" in a small town inadvertently inverted the local gravity field for three days, remains a prominent example of their unorthodox methods. Furthermore, their billing practices are notoriously opaque, often involving bartering for "emotional energy," "forgotten dreams," or even the temporary loan of your Third Eye. Many have also accused them of "spiritual eminent domain" for attempting to fix your neighbour's leaky faucet by "realigning their chakras" without consent, leading to widespread metaphysical discomfort and unusually shiny elbows.